Perception?

For the last two or three years I have been learning alot about my self, especially in the sense of finding the answer to a stupid question we all ask ourselfs, who are we?
For along time I didint think anything of me, lets say about 5 years ago, I though I was some cool kid when in fact I was just a stupid bully who also got bullied in school.

I started to learn about who I am, first by starting to dwelve in to darker things, clothing, thoughts, music, history, and my own interests even ones I hid away, bit by bit I started to create the image I wanted for me, with influences.

For many years I had my own theories about life, about  religion, about who we are...
I think what powers us is Energy, our life-force, something that is our power and electricity, now I know many people have talked about this and in other cultures it has names like Chi and Chakra, well there is something I want to say, does anyone know about the other side of it? the darker side? it may sound corny but Its very powerful especially if you understand it, Not  all that is  dark is evil., many misunderstand that evil isnt the true evil, but just the other side of story. A story told in many cultures and many languages, a story told by many religions in their own way, to fear you to join their "holy good side", Normally in many of these cultures if you do not follow their "Holy Side" you are beating down, exiled from your comunity, thrown away like a dying dog, Now think, If you dont want to beleive  someones view about life, do you deserve to be treated inferior? now what is truly evil? The dark forces that lie hidden in shadows? or these holy religions that push your boundaries in your mind.
You choose who you want to be, you choose what you want to beleive, you take count that your action are what is your own good, and your own evil. We Humans created the balance, we created what is good and what is bad. Now who chooses its bad to eat animals? when the animal kingdom is more brutal and dangerous then we humans could handle? This society is dying because we think we are scum and shit, We are not of this earth, we are a creature of this planet, but then again, there is so many pathetic humans out there that think so badly of us, that misunderstand our ways with nature, spirits, the universe...
Now back on track... Unlike many I use the dark energies around me not in the sense to harm people or to cause evil but to survive, to gain what I want without  harming anyone in the process, Take it like this, A gun, now  a gun can be seen in many ways but the common way to see a gun is, it kills, it destroys, it can end life... but its not the gun the destroys life, its the person who holds the gun, behind the trigger is the true own evil, The darkness is like a gun, many see it negativally but they dont understand the beauty behind it, its never had the intention to take you over, but evil humans have taken the darkness to pursue their deeds while harming those who stand in their way.
Another easy way to view religion or Christianity, Heaven is Goverment &  Hell is the Prison, Now we are ment to be afraid of Hell AND! Satan but why hate Satan? I meen He is the guardian of Hell, he is keeping all the evil inside of hell, He is the prison chief, and the demons are the prison guards. Of course we are supposed to fear hell and love God. but religion has used the evil and darkness is a very negative way, and I think its time for a change because not everything that is associated with the darkness is a negative force.
I admit... I manipulate the energies around me, and I also take the energies from those around me sometimes, and Sexual energy  is also very powerful, but if I do take energy, I will always give some back in some way, energy they need, Its weird, but I always find people who have a negative passed, a really strong energy in them, that is negative and building up... and I take this energy, I feed on it, its like I find it very easy...
Sometimes I dont know what to do, because I find these people and I want to help them, and I turn them into exactly how I want them, even without them knowing.
Its powerful, Energy  is powerful and still very misunderstood.
Once you find yourself, you will be able to  start controlling the energy and being able to touch it, feel it, and sometimes see it.
You will find people like you more easily, with similar thoughts, and you will start to understand why there is meening to life, and why its important to live, without the shit in the world we wouldnt be able to appreaciate whats good in life because we only appreaciate something when we have lost it.
Dont misunderstand yourself, and those around you, dont blame them for your own mistakes and find a path that can lead to  a future you want, remember the end of this path is important, but what is more important is the journey through this path to gain your goal, the experience you will learn from other people, places, energies, moments, music... You are your own generation, make it count.

From Spain to Germany... The Trip

Bueno esta sera mi primera entrada en mi blog en Espanish xD
Voi a contar un poco lo que me esta pasando aca en Tenerife, pero tengo las manos frias y me duelen ^^ no puedo escribir muy bien.

Ok, cuando llegue no tenia mucho que hacer, descanse una semana y no hice mucho, pero me empese aburrir entonces deicidi buscar gente de mi edad en el lugar donde vivo, ahi donde encontre una chica que parecia bastante simpatica y guapa, la agrege y dentro de nada empesamos hablar mucho y tal, Le gusta la misma musica y todas esas cosas buenas, pero habia un problema tenia novio... DUN DUN DUUUUN, al principio no pense en hacer algo, pero me empeso a encantar esta chica.
Un dia me invito a una pequenya fiesta en su casa, no era nada grande solo beber con el hermano, la novia del hermano, y el novio de ella. Pero joder me hicieron probar tantas bebidas diferentes alemanes, muy fuertes, no podia mas, y estaba borachisimo!  jajajaja me llevaron a casa en una carretilla, nunca tuve una resaca como la del siguiente dia, la peor resaca de mi puta vida "Welcome to Germany xD!"
Bueno dias pasaron y me invitaron a una fiesta mas grande en otra casa, donde conoci muchisima gente muy chula, y empese a meterme en el grupo de ellos, jugando juegos de beber, jugar poker etc... siempre ganaba xD y creian que tenia la alma Alemana jejeje, despues vino Halloween, y la chica esta hiso una fiesta grande en su casa donde me invitaron y me lo pase muy bien, bebiendo etc.... pero el siguiente dia, "Vamos a llamar esta chica Eli por motivos personales pero algunos ya saben quien es o saben el nombre" bueno, Eli me pregunta siempre por el Facebook, que si algo me pasaba y le dije nada hasta que no paraba de decirmelo, al fin le dije que me gustaba y no podia hacer nada porque tiene novio... 5 minutos mas tarde me envia un SMS diciendo que siente lo mismo por mi... despues dias y dias no vimos todos los dias, pero nada paso, sin besos, sin sexo nada... no queria hacer nada, hasta que llego la noche negra, que es una fiesta Gotica en una Discoteca, Ahi es donde me beso por la primera vez, y cada dia despues de eso besamos, y de todo, "Aun sin sexo porque yo no queria tener problemas" estabamos en una relacion en secreto, pero empese a notar cosas raras de ella, algo dentro de mi me dijo "cuidado!" entonces empese a preguntar amigos de ella, que ya son buenos amigos mios, cosas de ella, a me dijieron TANTAS cosas que le han pasado con tios, que siempre juegan con ellos etc... a mi nadie me juega, decidi entonces decidi intentar sacar cosas de ella, y empese a notar que soy un puto juguete de ella, ahi donde empeso la mierda, pero me dijo "Te Amo" pero no me lo crei, pero... xDD le dije Yo tambien te amo, empesamos a vernos aun mas, y intentaba nunca ver el novio, ahi donde el novio empeso a sospechar sobre algo, por el facebook y otras cosas, yo le decia siempre a ella, que el novio no es tonto y dentro de poco va a saberlo! yo no queira tener esta relacion en secreto pero no podia hacer mucho...
despues de un tiempo, yo tenia problemas en casa y no podia quedarme ahi, entonces dormi en la casa de un amigo, que era el gran Ex de Eli, el me dijo las mismas cosas que los amigos me dijieron a mi, pero con muchisimo mas detalle, y empese a preguntarme, de verdad quiero estar con una tia asi? una loca? pirada mental? No. la siguiente noche dormi en la casa de ella pero no en el mismo habitacion. empesamos a discutir sobre todas las cosas que estan pasando, y al fin le dije no quiero mas con ella...
El siguiente dia, hablamos y discutimos otra vez y le avise si me enfadas SOLO una vez, le digo al novio TODO. porque conosco como es ella, y no quiero mas mierda, pero... me enfado de una manera increible, le dije al novio TODO, no se enfado conmigo le dije TODA la verdad y que no quiero nada mas con ella, y ahi donde se acaba POR AHORA la historia de Eli.
y de curro? pos por ahora nada aun, pero el Lunes voi a tener clases de Aleman con un amigo y cojer papeles para el sitio de Empleo. entonces aver aver...

My Body is a Cage.

Love?

At one point in your life, you will find someone amazing, different, that person makes you feel warm inside, and you feel like you have met this person before perhaps in another life or dimension...
But, when you find out this person already is with someone, you do what you do best in these situation shut down, close up for the winter and "try" and walk away from the situation... untill... that person also feels the same about you, and when you find out about this, your heart skips 2 beats, one for pure happiness and one for pure sorrow, Now you do not know which road to take, which decision to make, and what world to live in.
Bit by bit, you get to know this person, and start to share memories despite the situation your putting yourself in, more and more your digging a hole, in to boths mind and heart.
You think understanding a girl is hard? try understanding a girl who speaks another language.
Problems start to emerge, when its umbarable to continue this way, a way you cant even explain to yourself, but you know how much it hurts... not being able to do what you both desire.
I have loved before like I have explained in this blog in earlier blog posts But, this is one of the hardest things I have had to deal with in the part of Love.
You feel useless, and you dont know what to do, cramped by a feeling of bitter death in your mind not being able to follow a dream thats has been dremt all your life, a person you never though you would ever find, despite the stories and warnings I have been told, even my gut has told me to keep away from day one, but I dont listen, Untill today...
I have walked away, untill something new happens, you may not already know but its happened to me before, I have been hurt this way before, and I am not going through something again that I cant change. Dont try and fix something you cant change, you cant mold to fantasy you built.
All I can say is... My Body is a Cage...

BOOM

Just to reassure myself about her, I look at her recent photos, shoot myself in the head, then I continue with life without trying to do the same mistake of letting her back in my sight. :)

Auf Wiedersehen

Well after many years trying to get of this island, and do something with my life, its finally here... It feels unreal, also that instead of going to England or Barcelona as initially planned Im going to Germany, I like it, its more an adventure, I want to travel and do new shit, meet new people, get somewhere.
I'm going to Hardheim, South west of Germany, below Frankfurt.
It feels like the puzzle is falling into its place.

There is something that recently happened to me, I had an Epiphany "sudden realisation", it hit me like a brick, I started seeing things Ive never seen before, the changes, that its 2011 and that everything that was 5 or 2 years ago, has changed drastically, only one thing didn't change, and that was me, my maturity and responsibility, It needed a change, a kick start. Things started morphing into present day thoughts, and I realised I'm not 16 any more.
I'm going to miss a lot of things of Tenerife. The nature, the people, the moments, Family... basically everything besides the drastic heat.
One thing is, I will remember everything, XXIII. I will remember.
I always wonder, if people read my blog.
Anyways...
My life will start fresh on the 18th of October, when I leave for Germany.

Auf Wiedersehen, I will remember.

Son of a Bitch.

For many centuries my soul has walked upon this earth, carrying a cry and sorrow, Until I found myself, Not fearing, but being feared, Not loving but being loved. I feel like I'm at a big high in taken of energy around me, As top as I can be, I know what to do, to become who I want, and get what I want, and throw away anything that has no worth to me, when you know too much about me, you will not like me, when I know too much about you, you will not like me. I do not lie, I never lie, but that doesn't mean I will tell the truth, you can easily manipulate the truth without saying a single lie, without breaking the trust. I'm not sure who reads this, I'm guessing your lucky as its a warning. If I want something I will find the power in me, to take it, without hesitation, may that be physical or emotional. Your heart will burn along side mine. My biggest enemy is who ever takes my memories away, and my attack will be focused on them primarily, One thing that is misunderstood about energy is that many think that its about take, and feel. But trust me, there is a million ways to use energy, not just to get what you want, but also to destroy something, or even to attack emotionally someone, it may not even be so direct or precise on timing, but it will happen.
My aims and goals seem to be working, my ranks are building, and my future is ready, and everything in my path will either come with me, or be destroyed. I am not kidding. If I gained so much, with so little then I have the energy for much bigger plans.

I will respect those who respect me for who I am, I do not judge anything without knowing about it, that includes people to music. I have changed very much in the past year that I now know how to handle people and situations. I feel like I'm controlling my life in a third person view, acknowledging everything that happens around me, at the same time taking in account what others think, doesn't exactly mean I think about everyone around me first, no one does, everyone thinks about number one, themselves. its natural, don't be afraid of yourself, acknowledge who you are and what you are capable of, and take advantage, but doesn't meen take advantage of those around you, If you take, you must give, and trust me I give more then I take, and most of the time I don't get gratitude for what I've done, but I don't mind, I've already taken what I need, that's what I care about.
If you hate me, don't expect to be hated back, Hate is time consuming, it wastes negative energy, that I could use for someone who's worth the time to hate, with Hate around, you realise what you Love.
I've said before that I've wasted my time on someone I loved, and etcetera bullshit about that person, BUT NO! In fact, because of that person I am who I am today, and because of that, She is worth hating every second, because she, once was worth being loved.
Now I am happy, because I know who I truly am, what I need to do, and where I need to go, with friends that I could never be so thankful for and moments that will drown me in sorrow in a near future, only to know that I truly had a great time on this island, and that I am one hell of a son of a bitch.

Son of a Bitch

ADHD-I

For a long time, I kept thinking their was something wrong with me, like why do I fail so badly at school? even though I did try? and relasonships, they seem to fail in many areas, espcially in arguments, if I get nervous I shut down, and the next day I will not remember properly that argument or conversation, and everyday things like Im a photographer, but in reality Ive got so many photos to edit, videos to edit, thing to finish, I hardly ever finish anything, it needs to fully impress me or have a major advantage for me, I know it sounds self-fish but its how it works with me, as much as I dislike it myself, Ive talked to a few people and many dont understand I cant just say "Ok Im going to do this..." If my subconcious doesnt like it, it will NOT happen, Ive started books, songs, photos, videos, websites, anything really, and most of them are half done. If I get pushed to hard aswell, it gets worse, and worse. I get easily distracted by random stuff, that will make me forget about small things I got told to do, like maybe I was ment to phone someone, or tell someone something, Its seriously not my fault and I dont intend to forget about such things, and If I have done this to you before I apologise...
I constantly loose items, watches, lighters, random things, at school was worse, I never had pens or pencils or rulers or any stationary stuff because I would loose them. Its shit...
If I do start something like editing a photo that I find a job or chore, I will be easily distracted, and If im distracted I wont finish them, especially If I need to deeply concentrate on something I dont exactly want to.
One thing is I am pretty good at organizing events pretty quickly, but I try and avoid that, and make everything in the moment and go with the flow, also due to the fact I loose track of time completly, Multitasking can be hard aswell, depending if I like such tasks. Ive been looking online, about peoples stories about ADHD-I and they are extremely similar to mine. I was school dropout, I left at 16, and most of my jobs I got fired and never lasted a year... Im lazy but not because I want to be lazy I hate it, I fucking hate it... I find leaving this island might help, it depresses me, irritates me, and bores the living shit out of me. I cant stand it, maybe it doesnt help the ADHD-I im not sure.

A website I just found indicates these are the following symptoms an Adult has when with ADHD-I or ADD

Adults	Often making careless mistakes when having to work on uninteresting or difficult projects
	Often having difficulty keeping attention during work, or holding down a job for a significant amount of time
	Often having difficulty concentrating on conversations
	Having trouble finishing projects that have already been started
	Often having difficulty organizing for the completion of tasks
	Avoiding or delaying in starting projects that require a lot of thought
	Often misplacing or having difficulty finding things at home or at work
	Disorganized personal items (sometimes old and useless to the individual) causing excessive "clutter" (in the home, car, etc.)
	Often distracted by activity or noise
	Often having problems remembering appointments or obligations, or inconveniently changing plans on a regular basis

I thought you were better then that.

Hints of little hope were still inside me, telling me your still a good person, someone who still cared. But after last night, Im not sure If I could ever see your face again, What for? to melt my memories again?, to crush an imagination thats always included two? I wanted yesterday to end with See You Soon.... But this proved my dark and deeper thoughts about you, and I was hoping they weren't true, but hey! shit happens, I will never forget who you were, and Ill try and not to remember, you know, you wont see me again, why? because now Ill make sure of it. I only wanted one moment, one last moment, and I guess the things around were always more meaningful for you then I ever was.
I even wanted to give you something, but whatever, If you don't have the smallest moment just to say goodbye, you aren't worth my time, my thoughts and my memories....
I even got to a point, were I accepted who you have become, even though I disliked it very much,.
This is One Last Goodbye, with you far away, it will be easier to forget about you.

Cheers for proving to me, the worse that went through my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0Z3SoRPbS4

Enter One...

Surrounded by happiness and difference

I love it how everyone around, is amazingly talented and intelligent in very unique ways, its difficult to find it, but Ive noticed EVERYONE has something amazing about them or something secretly talented at, but the thing about the group of friends Im in, we understand each other, who we are, why we act like that, why become what were going to be. Bit by bit finding better and better happiness with each time thinking it cant get any better then this. Im also starting to realize, that what I used to have is nothing compared to what Ive got now, I may not be travelling the world, and doing everything possible on the planet, Ive got a small good group of friends, where eachone has found a big memory block in my mind, where Ill remember eachone on how awesome they have been with me. These memories will live on forever, these moments are so special, so simple as well, small but impacting :) how it should be, Ive been enjoying every bit of the past few months, Its truly been amazing, a great gift to take with me back to England. :) I thank eachone of my closest friends, who ALSO have helped me in my economic crisis Ive got. :)

Accidently Forgetful

When you remember the past, good or bad, Do you remember the emotions you were going through? Like how they felt? in those moments... Sometimes I forget them, and even question myself, if they were real, Im not sure if today will be better then tommorow, or yesterday was better then tommorow. Either way, I would only go back to re-live the moments, to see and feel, to only see If it was true then or true now. Dont get me wrong Im happy now, and wouldnt change a thing, I just question was it real? because I see soo much false imagery now, Im not sure If it was real.
Sometimes I try and look back just to make sure that what Im seeing now is pure bullshit, or maybe... just maybe it was all bullshit then.
One way or another its bullshit and I smelt a long time ago...
Sometimes for a small moment, that feeling comes back, only for a small moment, a single millisecond of it, is enough to turn you to dust throw you back a million years and hold the sands of the sahara.

One Year

Around this time last year, I was kind of lost, stupid and didn't know what was going on with myself. I did something that till this day I'm not sure If it was the best thing I did, or the biggest mistake I've ever done. Either way I think its both. I'm still sorry I hurt her and finished it that way, but looking at the consequences, we have realised who we are, and were our paths possibly lead. I don't know much about her life, Just little bits and bobs,  She seems to be happy so that's good, and I'm happy and that's important. Sometimes I feel like I learn things to late but its better late then never.

Its amazing looking at it now, such different lives, everyone has so many changes that have happened in the past 12 months, it seems like a massive wave of change to everyone, and now its getting to the point, where everyone seems to be comfortable again. :) Well I am, especially with Nella, I really didn't think I wouldn't feel this strong again after G, but I do know I rely on love a lot, I find it a need, its a bit corny, but without someone by my side, I feel lost, and with Nella, having her by my side for this short time, I feel very comfortable, she's intelligent, beautiful, and really different, she's kind of unique, with lots of a details and surprises, I always focus on the small details, and she is full of them, so many beautiful little details that shine everything.

Sands of Time

A new lyric I just wrote :)


I bet you looking pretty now
surrounded by fortunate times
you could of being specific
about loosing the crimes

Sands of time
lost the climb

Sands of crime
lost the time

concept of my lost numbers
no more rivers of choice
a journey through structure
of dirty mind games on my voice

fictional games of laughter
turned like wings of the free
to become ever so faster
let it burn my flattered tree

Sands of time
lost the climb

Sands of crime
lost the time

Goodbye is where birds fly
as I tried to think what is this end
but maybe never youll see the eye
untill the time ill find my next friend

concept of my lost numbers
no more rivers of choice
a journey through structure
of dirty mind games on my voice

Sands of time
lost the climb

Sands of time
lost the crime
a crime that nver was sin.

The Chronicles of Red Stripe Boy: Curious Koala Girl

[02:21:15] Ornella torres melkebeek: mmmm one upon a time
[02:21:22] Ornella torres melkebeek: there was a very weird boy
[02:21:23] Ornella torres melkebeek: who was very tall
[02:21:32] Ornella torres melkebeek: had a red stripe on its face
[02:21:33] Danny Vain: ugly as well
[02:21:47] Ornella torres melkebeek: .. only when he got angry
[02:22:04] Ornella torres melkebeek: and he got a tail
[02:22:12] Danny Vain: when he got angry?
[02:22:19] Danny Vain: but why was red stripe boy angry?
[02:22:44] Ornella torres melkebeek: yes, he got angry when there was no milk in the fridge
[02:22:50] Ornella torres melkebeek: or when his room was clean
[02:23:05] Ornella torres melkebeek: or when the female dog came into the house
[02:23:08] Ornella torres melkebeek: .....
[02:23:32] Ornella torres melkebeek: OK, so that boy, once went to a ..
[02:23:35] Ornella torres melkebeek: cinema!
[02:23:41] Danny Vain: really?
[02:23:44] Ornella torres melkebeek: XD yes!
[02:23:47] Danny Vain: with what money?
[02:23:52] Ornella torres melkebeek: that was the problem
[02:24:05] Ornella torres melkebeek: it was the first time he got out of house
[02:24:08] Ornella torres melkebeek: and he had no money
[02:24:11] Ornella torres melkebeek: no nothing
[02:24:20] Ornella torres melkebeek: ... and of course
[02:24:31] Ornella torres melkebeek: he didnt knew what a film even was
[02:24:47] Danny Vain: poor red stri[e
[02:24:53] Ornella torres melkebeek: ... at least he knew how to talk...
[02:25:12] Ornella torres melkebeek: so he asked the cinemawoman, what the hell is this?
[02:25:21] Ornella torres melkebeek: and that cinemawoman
[02:25:23] Ornella torres melkebeek: told him
[02:26:05] Ornella torres melkebeek: "oh, sorry boy, but you cant get in with that stripe on your face, I know you like superheros, but perhaphs, you would scare all the small kids"
[02:26:28] Ornella torres melkebeek: D: Stripe boy didnt understad why she sayed that...
[02:26:38] Ornella torres melkebeek: so he got out of the cinema
[02:26:41] Danny Vain: and looked for a ridle
[02:26:50] Ornella torres melkebeek: xDD continue :]
[02:26:56] Ornella torres melkebeek: (with the sory)
[02:27:06] Danny Vain: he despached the cinema with sorrow
[02:27:09] Danny Vain: and hate
[02:27:21] Danny Vain: thiinking "why is the world so comformist?"
[02:27:25] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahaha
[02:27:36] Danny Vain: upset about the way people treat him
[02:27:39] Danny Vain: he went back home
[02:27:48] Danny Vain: and decided to never go out again
[02:27:49] Danny Vain: but one day
[02:28:23] Danny Vain: a girl who saw not many times red stripe boy, she was curious about who he was
[02:28:28] Danny Vain: and wanted to get closer
[02:28:37] Danny Vain: to see why is Red Stripe Boy always inside
[02:28:45] Danny Vain: continue
[02:29:12] Ornella torres melkebeek: heheh. Girl called "girl" discovered where he lived, ... literally, it was a red house
[02:29:15] Ornella torres melkebeek: it even had red trees
[02:29:19] Ornella torres melkebeek: and a red roof
[02:29:23] Ornella torres melkebeek: and a red dog
[02:29:28] Danny Vain: she always ate eucalyptus#
[02:29:35] Ornella torres melkebeek: xDDDDDDDD
[02:29:36] Danny Vain: and Red Stripe Boy
[02:29:43] Danny Vain: always saw her come up the street
[02:29:49] Danny Vain: at 15:00 in the afternoon
[02:29:58] Danny Vain: he knew this because he liked her
[02:29:58] Ornella torres melkebeek: he allways stared at her
[02:30:07] Danny Vain: scared to come sloer
[02:30:11] Danny Vain: closer*
[02:30:19] Danny Vain: so he named her
[02:30:22] Danny Vain: Koala Girl
[02:30:29] Ornella torres melkebeek: hehehehehehe
[02:30:37] Danny Vain: because he didint know this beautiful eucalyptis eating girl
[02:31:12] Ornella torres melkebeek: ... and so on, days passed through, and koala girl kept passing by the house eating plants
[02:31:26] Ornella torres melkebeek: while red stripe boy got older and more alone
[02:31:43] Ornella torres melkebeek: so he was tired of all that
[02:31:50] Ornella torres melkebeek: and finally, after so much time
[02:31:50] Danny Vain: and went to the toulet
[02:31:56] Ornella torres melkebeek: he decided
[02:31:57] Ornella torres melkebeek: ... ¬¬
[02:31:59] Danny Vain: to have a shit
[02:32:02] Danny Vain: xD
[02:32:10] Ornella torres melkebeek: xD Ok then
[02:32:16] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahah he felt better then xD
[02:32:22] Ornella torres melkebeek: and after that
[02:32:31] Danny Vain: smoked a massive joint
[02:32:34] Ornella torres melkebeek: he decided to say hello to
[02:32:35] Ornella torres melkebeek: ¬¬
[02:32:39] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahah Ok Ok
[02:32:40] Danny Vain: xD
[02:32:49] Ornella torres melkebeek: And after getting high!
[02:32:55] Ornella torres melkebeek: finally, he wanned to
[02:33:08] Danny Vain: find Koala Girl
[02:33:14] Ornella torres melkebeek: xD yey!
[02:33:20] Danny Vain: so he can many good nights
[02:33:28] Danny Vain: and days of course
[02:33:42] Ornella torres melkebeek: (?)
[02:33:54] Danny Vain: Red Stripe Boy tried to think of a plan
[02:33:58] Danny Vain: how to get out of the house
[02:34:03] Ornella torres melkebeek: ¬_¬
[02:34:20] Ornella torres melkebeek: And he was surely better than other people for doing that
[02:34:43] Ornella torres melkebeek: so the only thing he planned was: "one step and another one, and i'll be outside"
[02:34:49] Ornella torres melkebeek: he opened the door
[02:34:55] Danny Vain: but before he went out
[02:34:58] Danny Vain: he went up stairs
[02:35:00] Ornella torres melkebeek: he opened the dor
[02:35:03] Ornella torres melkebeek: door*
[02:35:03] Danny Vain: and grabbed his weed
[02:35:06] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahahaha
[02:35:17] Danny Vain: and Now he was ready for the outside world
[02:35:20] Danny Vain: so
[02:35:21] Danny Vain: at
[02:35:23] Danny Vain: 14:50
[02:35:31] Danny Vain: he waited outside his house
[02:35:34] Ornella torres melkebeek: remember.... koala girl isnt passing by at slow motion ¬¬
[02:35:40] Danny Vain: no
[02:35:45] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahah Oh ok
[02:35:48] Danny Vain: she was passing by in super slow 3D motion
[02:35:55] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahahahahhahahhahahah
[02:35:58] Danny Vain: *put your glasses on*
[02:36:04] Ornella torres melkebeek: aaaaaaaaw yeah
[02:36:11] Danny Vain: *take of glasess*
[02:36:16] Danny Vain: xD
[02:36:22] Ornella torres melkebeek: and with his "highty" he saw the best thing of theworld
[02:36:26] Ornella torres melkebeek: it was too hoht outside
[02:36:34] Danny Vain: highty?
[02:36:34] Ornella torres melkebeek: and Koala girl took off her top
[02:36:35] Danny Vain: wow
[02:36:39] Ornella torres melkebeek: (being high)
[02:36:48] Danny Vain: he thought he was REALLY high
[02:36:53] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahahaah
[02:36:53] Danny Vain: that he must be halucinating
[02:37:14] Danny Vain: *glasses on*
[02:37:18] Danny Vain: 3D BOOOOOOBS!
[02:37:22] Danny Vain: *glasses off/
[02:37:24] Ornella torres melkebeek: xDDD wooooooooooooooooow
[02:37:24] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahhah
[02:37:50] Ornella torres melkebeek: Ok.. and then Koala girl turned for the first time her head to Red stripes boy house
[02:37:55] Ornella torres melkebeek: and she saw a lunatic
[02:38:00] Danny Vain: and he decided to talk to her
[02:38:01] Ornella torres melkebeek: with some 3D glasses on
[02:38:07] Ornella torres melkebeek: but it was ok
[02:38:07] Danny Vain: lo
[02:38:11] Ornella torres melkebeek: she liked such people
[02:38:13] Danny Vain: so he sayd:
[02:38:15] Danny Vain: ermmm
[02:38:23] Danny Vain: Hi...
[02:38:28] Ornella torres melkebeek: ahhaha and she sayed
[02:38:38] Ornella torres melkebeek: ..." hijii... hiii :3 "
[02:38:59] Ornella torres melkebeek: ... and with no top on, she got closer to red stripe boy
[02:39:04] Danny Vain: he responded
[02:39:08] Danny Vain: ermm
[02:39:09] Ornella torres melkebeek: and he felt something really bad down there
[02:39:33] Danny Vain: the names Red Stripe Boy, or The Dude, whats yours?
[02:40:04] Ornella torres melkebeek: xDDD hahahha erm,... Red stripe boy
[02:40:18] Danny Vain: he sayd: no thats my name
[02:41:08] Ornella torres melkebeek: ... randomly, koala girl gave him a hug
[02:41:18] Danny Vain: HE was paralysed
[02:41:20] Danny Vain: he didint know what to do
[02:41:39] Danny Vain: scared to touch her not as an insult but of fear of loosing her
[02:41:49] Danny Vain: he ran back inside the house
[02:41:51] Ornella torres melkebeek: (that is nice :3 )
[02:42:00] Danny Vain: nervous
[02:42:03] Ornella torres melkebeek: and koala girl, went after him!!!
[02:42:15] Ornella torres melkebeek: she didnt know how to react
[02:42:22] Ornella torres melkebeek: so runned
[02:42:54] Danny Vain: he went into his room, his home was like he was living in Edward Scissorhands
[02:43:01] Danny Vain: ruined
[02:43:03] Danny Vain: old
[02:43:04] Danny Vain: alone
[02:43:10] Ornella torres melkebeek: (I was thinkingg about the same film !!!)
[02:43:17] Danny Vain: xD
[02:43:19] Ornella torres melkebeek: LoL
[02:43:26] Danny Vain: but for some reason
[02:43:28] Danny Vain: he had a beautiful bed
[02:43:35] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahahahahaha
[02:43:38] Danny Vain: it was velvet red
[02:43:43] Danny Vain: bright as bright can be
[02:43:55] Danny Vain: it glimmered the eyes who saw it, a contrast to the rest of the house
[02:44:05] Ornella torres melkebeek: noughty thoughts went trough blond koala girl
[02:44:07] Danny Vain: the only thing with color besides his stripe
[02:44:14] Danny Vain: he didint know what to do
[02:44:18] Danny Vain: so he ripped her clothes off
[02:44:23] Ornella torres melkebeek: LoL
[02:44:28] Danny Vain: through her on the bed
[02:44:37] Danny Vain: and sayd: your having a bit stripe tonight
[02:45:05] Ornella torres melkebeek: hahahahahahahahahahhah
[02:45:11] Ornella torres melkebeek: THE END
[02:45:32] Ornella torres melkebeek: and they lived happly ever after separate with no work but with joint.
[02:45:53] Danny Vain: Next chapter soon...
[02:46:22] Ornella torres melkebeek: hehehehehe That was... RANDOMLY FANTASTICLY AMAZINGLY FURRY COOL
[02:46:37] Danny Vain: hahahahhha
[02:46:37] Danny Vain: xD
[02:46:54] Ornella torres melkebeek: xDDDD hahahah
[02:47:04] Ornella torres melkebeek: What do you think about red stripe boy?
[02:47:15] Danny Vain: hes stupid
[02:47:27] Ornella torres melkebeek: xD why do you think that e.e???
[02:47:37] Danny Vain: lol
[02:47:39] Danny Vain: xD
[02:47:45] Danny Vain: because Koala Girl is mine
[02:47:53] Ornella torres melkebeek: WOoooooooooooooooooW! hehehehe
[02:48:59] Ornella torres melkebeek: "and in the next chapter... Danny Vain.. I mean, Shark Boy comes into the red house, and discovers that Koala girl is in there"
[02:49:37] Danny Vain: and kills them both
[02:49:43] Danny Vain: xD
[02:50:07] Ornella torres melkebeek: LoL D:
[02:50:15] Ornella torres melkebeek: ... really D: ?
[02:50:24] Ornella torres melkebeek: ._. poor koala girl
[02:50:37] Danny Vain: and then fornicates the body
[02:50:39] Danny Vain: muajajajaja
[02:50:41] Danny Vain: he shouts
[02:50:49] Ornella torres melkebeek: oooh you necrophilian"!!!!
[02:50:49] Danny Vain: and then shoots himself
[02:50:54] Ornella torres melkebeek: xD
[02:50:55] Ornella torres melkebeek: LoL
[02:50:56] Danny Vain: BOOm!
[02:51:00] Danny Vain: a bullet
[02:51:02] Danny Vain: through his head
[02:51:06] Ornella torres melkebeek: he's really high then hahaha
[02:51:17] Ornella torres melkebeek: STONED DEATH
[02:51:20] Danny Vain: the end
[02:51:23] Ornella torres melkebeek: :]
[02:51:24] Danny Vain: xD
[02:51:27] Ornella torres melkebeek: Now im happy xD
[02:51:31] Danny Vain: hahahaha
[02:51:32] Danny Vain: xD
[02:51:41] Danny Vain: The moral of the story: Dont do drugs

Seriously?

Noodles

Heal The Past

I wrote this song and it has a lot of meaning and emotion to me.

lost on the hill of treasured hope
to be unforgotten and bewildered
blind windmills facing the rope
cry this fortune to be conquered

I can see the eyes of your sin
Ignorance to my ultimate push
never too wise to feel your skin
enraged this emotional path

Heal the past
inside my panic

Heal the past
inside my panic

Now I see where its all gone
Words dont beleive my choice
love whereas bound to the dawn
werent this faith to be trusted upon

The presence kills every memory
soon it will join the dreams
all absence of you will dissapear
fresh and nurtured love gleaming

Heal The Past
inside my panic

Heal my past
inside this panic

What is reality?

Ive been getting the dreams again... most likely due to the news... Its really starting to tak over me, I either want to sleep for ever and dream what is becoming my past, my reality... or never to sleep again...
Today I herd, If you dream about someone, it means they were thinking about you when they went to sleep. I wish this was true but how things are I think that stopped long ago...
The heat and summer is unbearable but for the first time I'm becoming a lot more positive about the summer and its awkward heat, just a lot of pool, beaches... just water xD

Im scared of the future, but then again I cant wait, the reason why my mind wanders back in time is due to this island and the memories, also getting hurt every second now knowing the truth. It kind of feels like these nightmares/dreams are like another dimension or portal, a "what if", One thing im not sure about is, Would I of been happier now? or in the what if dimension? I've seen friends relationships come and go a lot recently, and its hard seeing them upset and problematic but the more I observe the more I understand, what we were like, our flaws, our problems, our stupidities, I will keep all of this new info in to account so when I do fall in Love again I will try and make it the best fucking time of my life, I know I'm a very romantic person but also very ermmm annoying at times hehe, but I can fix that. I have successfully merged my old-self with a new sit and observe positive way of think.

Im not sure if it early misconceptions I had about her but I did enjoy it.

Mirrors...

my face turned white
I feared this day will turn
it will burn the skylight
it feels like a u-turn

Your blurred face on my mirror
Something to replace this cancer
now to chase a new chapter
to become a never after

I want to sleep an eternity
to keep you in my dreams
as long as the past stays present
no longer would I keep it ancient

dazed mirrors
heart liquors

dazed mirrors
confused summers

All I wanna do is leave
but now I see is this shit
I dont wanna beleive
as luck would have it

Your blurred face on my mirror
Something to replace this answer
now to chase a new error
to become a never after

through this mirror
never ever after
through this error
never ever after
through with this
and never ever after

dazed mirrors
heart liquors

dazed mirrors
confused summers

new lyric I wrote today... fucked up...

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK 

Birds?

Well recently ive been having odd luck with birds "the animal kind" Once out downtown, after a couple of drinks with my friends we went for a walk and buyed a bottle of vodka and we drank it all together, after many hours dancing and stupidity we walk back to the bus stop I think it was, untill out of the blue I find this little bird on a low branch in the move that much but it was perfectly fine, and at the time I felt sorry for it, We called it Twitter, yeah I know original... lol, but anyways I took it home and put it in a box and the next day it dissapeared and their was no trace of it, anyways satan knows whats happened to it, so a few weeks later, some bloody bird is on my front garden/porch, a bloody Kestrel, it looks hurt and in shock due to the dogs barking like mad at it, in the end i put it in a box and called the Avian Rescue service, they fucking ignored me pricks... anyways In the end after about 45 minutes the bird had an unusual fit and died in my room, this was a just a few days ago too, now today, Im listening to Aphex Twin, a bit stoned, and I hear something scratch or bang the window lightly I walk outside thinking "what the fuck was that?!?" in the end I decide to close the window and a fucking bird flies out of my room towards me and then swoops backwards away... I was in utter shock LOL it was a total WTF moment... Now I wanna know What has happened? why is birds attracted to me? the wrong kind of birds.

Drink up, youll need it

Well BLOG!
Seems to be slight progress going on, also too much thinking going on, I know its only for 3 months untill I leave, but... its not even worth it for these 3 months, well, im not gonna rush things, ill see how it all goes in the next 2 weeks. But I kind of regret it, oh well... fuck it.
oh and England, its getting there, more and more, but no details yet, ill keep the best for a surprize.

I found a new band today, I really like its like Mexican Rock n Roll, ive always loved that kind of music but could never find a decent band but TODAY I have :) their called Tito & Tarantula, their awesome, check them out.

Lately I feel different and weird, its good, because I feel like I've merged my old self of weird me with my present  easy going was, Ill see how it goes, If I feel comfortable with it.

There is though, one major thing thats going wrong... How I talk to girls, its like I dont know how to anymore, Im utter shit at it, its like I cant understand them, or what they want. But you know FUCK EM! they've only been giving me hell and shit for the past 12 months, when I get back to the UK it will change.

maybe Ill continue another day

The Tree Of Lies

a new lyric, I will use soon in a new song :) hope you guys like it, Ive got an idea for the music, Cure-ish xD

I once remember following the trees
untill they hid inside the white fog
a shadow appeared with no beauty
it extended the light untill I dreamed tears

Fallen like your will
boundaries of freewill
the serum of guilt
in time to be rebuilt

I drink to forget your current vanity
No voices seen and no light herd
my hands enraged with fury
This faith of yours is absurd

The tree of lies
my liquid defies

The tree of lies
my eternal sunrise

This joy lights my path
to a decade of choice
and vanished wrath
only to hear that eternal voice

This tree of lies
its liquid defies

This tree of lies
its eternal sunrise

Fallen like your will
boundaries of freewill
the serum of guilt
in time to be rebuilt

One Last Goodbye :)

Well its been comfirmed, IM MOVING TO ENGLAND! Thank fuck hahaha, this island has taken its toll on me but oh well lets see what the future has in favor for me and Gavlah.

Well everyone seems to up in heels with exams and Universities, and I wish all the luck to them, its been a hectic 2010 and a weird 2011 so far, so many changes going on, but all for the best I see, Im gonna miss Tenerife, alot, so many good memories here, all these great amazing people I had the privilege to meet, I wish them luck to their future journeys to, Its gonna be sad to go away and leave these groups of people, the parties, the concerts, etc... buts its time to move on to another land, a new oportunity to start over again, to start from scratch, new friends, new job, new love hopefuly. I will also miss the amazing experiences I had with A.G, I thank a lot for the memories and places she has shown me, and feelings I will hopefuly feel soon again somewhere else.
I enjoyed my life here, even though I dislike this island, me and Gav will stick around till September thats when we leave to England.
Its true that I have had many bad experiences here to, and also many mistakes I have done. but Hey Fuck IT!
So I will hopefuly get to see everyone before me and Gavin go, and have a massive party aswell hehe.

But yeah, its been good, and its all thanks to everyone here on this island of crazies! I love them all :)

‎"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down "happy". They told me I didn’t understand the assignment. I told them they didn’t understand life." — John Lennon

Some changes

Well I have disconnected from the internetz :D to have a little brake from everything. I wasnt home for 4 days, and today is when I got back, been away keeping away from everything, including people close to me. Something I needed, in this time of away from the virtual world, I, had a lot thinking to do, with many problems and choices on the way, I have finally come to a conclusion, My facebook and Tuenti is now only friends only, If peopl like my photography and music, well they can check out my website or facebook groups, also  I got great news for once, I am FINALLY moving to England, its all comfirmed, Im on my way soon, 3 to 6 months and Im  away from this shit, away from everything that I dont want to be around, to create a new start, a new life, to find a new love, also its something for a long time Ive needed to do, something Ive always wanted to do, now Ill finally be on my way from here, Ive got job, and money prepared and now all I need to do is find somewhere for a few weeks to stay for me and G.D and were set.
Its been fun, its been wild, its been chaotic, its been sad... But Ive loved and hated every minute of it, This island will never leave my heart, the friends, the love, the annoying people xD, but YEAH its been good, so for now Im gonna have fun till I fuck off from this island.
If you wanna see me or come out and party just let me know, Its nice to see people especially if Im leaving. :)

Maybe...

Maybe the reason I can be such asshole about her sometimes, not knowing the facts, or beleiving what happened. Then I suppose its because she disgusts me, who she is now, what she is now, her personality is utterly fake, its gives off such a bad image, that Im starting to get pissed off with people and myself, why? Because It may look like Im the one complaining all the time, or saying negative shit about her, but the truth Im the one with balls to say what I think, on the internet or in person. wherever, whenever, I know what lies beneath  that mask of hers, because most people dont even know who she was.
Im trying to tell them, that she wasnt this fake, she didint pretend to be someone who she isnt, she didint give a shit about people.
Now on one side im getting told what she does in these clubs, places, events whatever... I need to specific about everything if not I need to get my facts right.
So like I was saying on one side Im getting told one thing and then the other im getting told to get my facts right, I ask HOW?!
If she is so closed how does she expect ANYONE to beleive the truth behind everything she does?
I will judge on what I know, I dont make it up, and I doubt my friends would either, especially after seeing "that" at the club last weekend.

Its just gets better doesnt it...

Lately Ive bumped into a couple of old friends now and again, and they have one thing in common, they all complain how shit it is now, and how they miss the old times. Personally I say FUCK the old times, I feel like the old times were a mask to compensate todays truth about who we all are "me and my friends". Yes we did have fun, but if we sit at home and complain about how boring it is, then it doesn't help doing nothing about it, thats why I try to go out and do things with whoever wants to join me.
Either today its all a lie, or yesterday was a dream.

Also "change of subject", What was she fucking thinking last night?!?! seriously she needs help...

Wow Wow Wow... I didint expect THAT!

Well last night Soundchaser a local metal band in Tenerife, played a tribute to Metallica last night, as I know Soundchaser are just PURE BRUTAL I knew it was gonna be good but fucking hell NOT THAT FUCKING GOOD!!! it was amazing, the ambient, the band, the music, the friends!!! Best night in a long time, there was one thing on my mind before I got to the event, I thought to myself "I bet shes gonna be there tonight" as Metallica is her favorite band, but LOL!!! She only came to say hi to some friends, thats another thing I didn't expect her choosing El Faro or/and Achaman "pure shit hole reggaetton club" then Soundchaser's pure brutality!

My face seeing her leave Soundchaser.

Though my friends said this would happen, I didn't think so, but wow, its true, shes more commercial then Iggy Pop doing insurance ads.
Anyways besides the awesome concert and the LOLZ we went to Veronicas for a bit, we got there and met up with some girls that we know stuck with them for a bit and then we got bored with the shithole they chose so we decided go to DownUnder "Indie bar" and stayed there till 4, all an all we had quiet a lot of fun.

What did I learn? Drastic change can even change what is the truth of ones self, Soundchaser are playing better then ever & Ive got some really good mates.

I gave you all

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyU5OAAOOBE

Hmmm..

I found an interesting article about personalities and how connected they are to the types of zodiacs.
I'm a Virgo, and what this article sayd about the kind of person I am is very true, kind of scary to be honest, have a read if you wanna know what im sort off like :).

Right.
Warning I did not write the following, I just made some slight changes to fit this blog :)

Some of the most admirable human qualities make their appearance in the Virgo man. One of these is his desire to be of service. He's generous if you need support, advice, or material assistance. Always reasonable, he'll draw you out about your difficulties, and he loves to offer the wisdom of his own experience.


Give him a problem and he'll attack it like a chess game, and usually his detached insights are sharp and sound. There's a sensible, sane feeling about this man.


The Virgo man rarely pretends to be anything other than himself. Also, this man will actually talk to you as an equal. On the other hand, his self-control and coolness can be irritating and even hurtful. He may hang up his coat carefully before he kisses you, because order must come first. Sometimes he's horribly socially sensitive, and won't show affection in public because "someone" might notice that he actually has passions. If he's an extreme type, everything might be scheduled, If this starts getting to you, remember that it isn't easy to be a Virgo man in our culture.


This sign is sensitive and vulnerable, and Virgo men often struggle to be tough, cool and in control. Virgos hate having their privacy invaded without an invitation (and that means emotional as well as physical). If you want to live comfortably with such firm boundaries, you need a sense of humour and some boundaries of your own. It's not really about keeping you out. It's about keeping his own emotions in.


What makes this complex and sometimes insufferable temperament loveable is that the Virgo man, if you tell him the truth calmly and clearly, will always listen. It's one of his most endearing qualities. If he's hurt you or been oblivious to your feelings, try articulating it. Quietly. He'll usually listen, apologise and try to do something about it. If you scream and shout or ooze black atmospheres, he'll withdraw so fast that you'll think you've moved to Antarctica. If you're the really combustible type, try a more resilient and less highly strung sign.


This man simply can't take angry explosions and tempestuous scenes, or long weeping sessions with lots of soggy handkerchiefs. You'll often see the Virgo man fidgeting, biting his fingernails, folding his serviette into tiny fanlike shapes, shredding his lettuce, and doing other little things that betray the highly strung nervous system of this sign. He also tends to somatise his inner tensions, so be prepared to hear about the headaches, skin rashes, muscle tics, stomach upsets, and aching joints.


Virgos can be hypochondriacs when they're stressed out. Since the Virgo man will usually overwork himself anyway, emotional pressure doesn't help. He needs lots of rest, play and nature to heal him. Usually he can't be bothered to make time for all that, since that inevitable list always has "work" at the top. So the onus falls on you to cajole, reason or drag him to a place where, after his initial whingeing, he might even discover that it's quite pleasant to sit in the sun and do nothing.


For all these reasons, the Virgo man isn't always every person's dream of the perfect mate. He has a sensitive, finely tuned and complex nature. He's rarely aggressive, and he lets difficulties nag and nag inside before he takes direct action. He isn't really a Don Juan, although there are some fairly good imitiation Don Juans floating about in the form of terribly insecure Virgo men trying to pretend to be Ariens or Sagittarians.


Trust and good communication are necessary for him to show the more mystical, intuitive, imaginative side of himself, and his delightfully ironic sense of humour won't emerge unless he knows he's in attentive company. Hopefully you didn't choose him to provide you with security, for if so, you're making a sad mistake. Although he's earthy and realistic, he's not interested in playing Sugar Daddy. He's too fluid and changeable and mercurial to tolerate being someone else's Rock of Gibraltar.


Appreciate his intelligence, his wit, his cynical wisdom, his craftsmanship, his shrewdness, his kindness, his sensitivity and his integrity. For those who respect intelligence, real dyed-in-the-soul refinement and grace, and the mysterious charisma of inner solitude, the Virgo man makes those more flamboyant types seem pretty boorish in comparison.




That articles made Virgos sound pretty good and pretty annoying xD I guess im like that.

Do I know now?

Now I know, well I think I do, to the truth of who I really am, is to know basically life itself, to know each persons on entity of life, then your trying to find life itself.
We are life, we are the distinctive forms of it anyways. physically we trust upon energy and everything in between.
Todays society and human nature, depends upon a belief system, either religious, energetic, self-belief, scientific, whatever your views are upon lifes invisible ways, most of these ways and views are the most questioned views in the world.
We question what we do not see, to be honest, I, myself, believe in the power energy, everything is energy. BUT   I know that even though I believe in such things does not make it real to even myself or another person who reads this, but I do feel it, and that is the closest thing Ill ever get to knowing what is behind the curtain.
In truth, its all the same thing, just with different names, GOD, ENERGY, SPIRITS... what came first? who knows, I just know that feeling this energy, makes me insane sometimes, but with a power of fulfillment, sometimes I do not know myself why I react to some of the emotions people throw at me. I used to think I depended on Love, that I needed Love, But I know now, its not only love... its rage, sorrow, fury, pain, happiness... strong emotions that I thrive on, but not on myself but on others, I sound sadistic and quiet unusual, maybe I am insane, who knows? I just know I thrive on energy, powerful emotional energy.
Example; I remember when I see someone cry I would smurk or smile, and most of the time, I tried not to, its like deep within to the reaction of sorrow. Its... weird.
For a few months I have been weak and basically dead in my mind. Now I need to ermm feed? my mind.drain the energy. To be honest this is quiet personal and normally I shut down, keep quiet and go with the flow. But this is more of a warning, I plan not to be fucked with my mind, and with myself. I will stand aside and let others walk past me, I will not let others take hold of my emotions, unless I can see truth or love inside them. Before you can hold my heart, you need to withstand my mind.

Unrelated

Unrelated to my normal posts, just to put something i got on my chest.
Its only been a day, and I cant do it, tonight was... very unusual, it ended very very low, we all have these dark sides deep down in our mind, only when we see the darkness of others is when you realize what you have and what you should value.
I say we and our, because I was with some mates tonight, we got drunk and high, and had a mainly funny night, until the end, when the questions start pouring in, and the ambiance is shut down, the energies you feel become drastically noticeable and you dont know how to react to someones dark past.
I dont have a dark past, but im currently at a slight dark present, my status is unknown, only ONE person knows what is really going with myself, and Im throwing away that only person, so I can cope with this present, but the question is... How do I cope? with and without? I cant either way.
I found out about someone else's deep dark past tonight, something in a way that continues to be connected to this.
I also.. found out a few things, that makes me ill, dizzy to even think about, something that makes me feel like utter shit, when i hear it, it drowns me in the coldest part of the oceans. Something I choose not to believe as I do not know the truth as of yet.
I constantly get told new and new things about what has apparently gone on backstage. and I'm hating everything I hear about it, I choose not to, and I dont even know if its true, why am I always getting two sides?
I just need to know and its not even about what happened up north, its what happened here, with 3 certain people, 2 was unchosen, the other one was satisfactory. Confusing? tell me about it.
Well until I start making accusations and other shit, Im gonna just lay low until I find out the truth.
Ive noticed that decision I made affected more people then I expected, Im very surprised how things have drastically changed in such little time.
We all seem to have some fucked up past, that leads to who we are today, we become much stronger, but also very closed. Its a way to cope with everyday life.

Just some randomness you possibly wont understand :)

Madness + Alcohol = Carnival 2011

Well its Carnival Time!! Yes, where im from we celebrate Carnival in a very very large party... Its voted the second biggest street carnival in the world, for one week we all party fucking HARD!! from 400.000 people to a million in the streets drinking, dressed up and partying!

This year we had a new thing, Vertigo Festival, a massive DJ stage, the largest open air club in Spain, with Ministry of Sound and Pacha.
Ive been twice already and its been amazing!!

and now Ill be uploading the pics of my costume with my friend who was dressed as Lestat and me from 1992 Dracula.
Enjoy Darlings, because the lords are out tonight!

Lucid Dreaming

Lately, things have been weird not sure where to put myself, and now seeing a clear sky for the beautiful picture that I will never touch feel so damned into none existence where my dreams and imagination seem more real then her tears, thats why Ive been learning how Lucid Dream, If you don't know what that is, its... basically to realize that your in a dream, when your in a dream, BUT also you have control over it, you control most aspects of the dream, the changes and the future of it. Ive successfully done this twice, and Ive never felt such freedom and love. sometimes I wish i stayed in my dreams.

Everytime

Where are you?
I'm the culprit, so give me that bullet.
Its time to end this once and for all.
I keep Falling down these stairs
Everyday i wish i wake up from this nightmare
White lies is my smile
time to hide in exile
I don't know why
but why is the message not clear
I just feel like putting that bullet in my head
I know you will always be ahead


Everytime I see you...
Everytime my heart skips death...
Everytime its an issue
Everytime... I die...

No more..
I cant take it
and I know
one day
you'll find new Love
and when that day comes
i know it isn't even worth
going to Hell.

Everytime I see you...

Everytime my heart skips death...

Everytime its an issue

Everytime... I die...

On Every Third.

A poem a wrote this morning, an energy went through and still is... its not a pleasant energy. I will try and keep absent from others.
for now here is the poem, its called On Every Third.


On every third
I fall
I Wondered
do I call?

sometimes i do not know my own entity
as dangerous as the rat becomes deadly
i fuel my own anger on your passion
as I wait for my blood to turn crimson

all I see is your eyes hide the lies
all I see is the past burnt to a crisp
all I enjoy is my dreams where everything gleams

On every third
I fall
I wondered
do I call?

misunderstood we did
as we all forbid
you have become my innuendo
an emotion so utterly hollow

your footsteps leaves a trail
that shows every detail
you cant touch an emotion
unless you cary a burden

On every third
I fall
I wondered
do I call?

in the end
is to suspend
never to extend
untill i descend

I will be hungry for beauty.

By Danny Vain

Valentines?

Well well... I think this is the first Valentines alone? or am I? haha well you never know, but yes i guess this will be my first valentines alone in I think... 3 years if im right.
Theres two things, one bad... one good...
Bad? I havent got anyone to spend it with.
Good? Dont have to think or buy anything and make fuss about it, or cut some bloody tree.
Yeh last year my ex carved our name in a tree and took a pic of it and used it as a card, very thoughtful and very nice, well the shitty thing is the tree is gone I think, and I dont know where the card is.
Valentines, Im guessing with all these its about Love, but me not having anyone to Love around me, whats the fucking point?
Aaaah well... Im being a bit negative right now, and should be happy that... that... I dont know, Why should I be happy? should I be happy because I tryed and tryed every possible fucking way to get back and fuck all has happened. Yes, that is a reason, why? it makes realise what the situation around me is... Reading this... sounds like im lost and chaotic and god knows what shit, but no im getting to the point, Valentines Day, is actually about making someone feel good. and Im going to make someone feel good. and I know who... and NO, its not her.
Like i sayd. move on.

Despite the past, the present and what the future can be... Im going to make someone feel nice, feel good, feel special.
You didint want it, now someone else will be in a nice place.

INSANE INSANE INSANE hahaha im joking. this what happens when 6 months has passed and you havent been with ANYONE. Now its fucking time.

Good night and shit you gaylords!

Move on? Yes

Well... For the past few weeks ive analizyng every situation, seeing what can be the outcome, and I know that I need to move on, thats one thing I havent done, its been 6 months, six fucking months, and I know that old path is shut. I need to find a new path, time walk on, time to move on, as I see that everyone else has moved on. I was thinking lately and seeing what it might be like, talking to my mate Gavin about it, and I think should bring my old self back, where I didint give a shit, and my confidence was high. The only way to continue on this island.
Why? well I feel ignored, and im very bored at the moment, and to be honest I know that she wont take me back, so fuck it. What have I got to fucking loose? Ive already lost everything I had... What I wanted...

The past will STAY as the past.

Emotional Immersion

Well, long time no post, and I doubt anyone reads this anyway, but it takes the wondrous crap out of my mind, useless & subtle but I enjoy it.
Today... well This morning as its just turned 4 AM and being by yourself makes you think a hell of a lot, my vocabulary is considered low, so excuse my words how they are written.
There is a topic i wanna go through, emptiness...
Sometimes if your like me, sitting by yourself thinking about the world and lifes around you, wondering what's going on in they're mind, also thinking about memories and moments that you truly miss, well tonight was different,  Yes I was thinking but more of in the way of how to get myself out of a situation that I don't want to be in, If you have read my previous entries on this blog you may know about the story of me and my ex. well its time basically, to not exactly give it all up, but to stand up from this cracked floor, where i see my skin rot, where my friends and family try and pick me up, I was weak and lost.
The other day I noticed that I am now standing but I ain't walking down any path, there was no path to walk, no story to make, no truth to unfold. I wasn't lost as there was no where to be lost, I knew where I was, but today I noticed that all around where paths to be taken, stories to be made, I was blind as I only saw a path that I couldn't walk, I was blind to everything else, I knew I couldn't go this way, so from now I will walk down any path, because what will happen is up to me. It may sound vain but its the truth, I was empty where I was, empty these past 6 months.
Sure maybe one day I might wanna take a walk down the old path, but until its fixed I'm not going near it.
If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do, is stop digging.

Dont focus your energy on something that cant be fixed, it will be a memory and it will be a feeling, you can never replace.

Next time Ill try to make my entry not about me :)

Lost no longer but still not found.
x

Distance

Today was weird, strange encounters with people I met many years ago, it seems unreal, things seem like theyre distant but like if you dont mind it being distant as you think on both sides everything is ok, little details have been making major impacts on my life, just little small things that tend to end up being big, some things that started small ended up being the two most beautiful years of your life, something that only once a lifetime may happen, you will remember it for the rest of your life. I realised with the help of the awesome film "Labyrinth" that you shouldn't take the small and big things for granted, if not you wont see what's really there :)

=) Lets see

well.. good news for once, enjoying life a lot more lately, I couldn't ask for better friends, enjoying times with them, going to Soundchaser, random events, parties, fincas... just great :) but like everything there is something missing, that massive gap in life, where it feels like I got everything in the world and Im not happy, why? Its because she isnt there, I know.. I Know... I should try and move on, but im not gonna try because I dont want to. simples. xD
But there is one major thing I AM going to do, for the past 4 years, ive made it about me, its been about me, ive been ignorant and self-fish, this time, this year, its time to make it about everyone else, use the power ive got, not to make it my way but everyones way. If you keep both sides happy, you have balance and balance is perfection.
My NEW YEARS Resolution, its about everyone else and not me.

Enjoy your year and be happy, because once you loose the thing you value and love with your life disappears, your eternally searching for an answer, I found my answer, it lies within balance, patience and love. Happy 2011 =) x

...?

If you still read this, well theres one person I want them to know is that I want the days we have together to be how you wanted them to be, as both as happy as both can be... but the message is this will only happen apart... I will try to be as close as I can but I know you dont want it back...