Son of a Bitch.

For many centuries my soul has walked upon this earth, carrying a cry and sorrow, Until I found myself, Not fearing, but being feared, Not loving but being loved. I feel like I'm at a big high in taken of energy around me, As top as I can be, I know what to do, to become who I want, and get what I want, and throw away anything that has no worth to me, when you know too much about me, you will not like me, when I know too much about you, you will not like me. I do not lie, I never lie, but that doesn't mean I will tell the truth, you can easily manipulate the truth without saying a single lie, without breaking the trust. I'm not sure who reads this, I'm guessing your lucky as its a warning. If I want something I will find the power in me, to take it, without hesitation, may that be physical or emotional. Your heart will burn along side mine. My biggest enemy is who ever takes my memories away, and my attack will be focused on them primarily, One thing that is misunderstood about energy is that many think that its about take, and feel. But trust me, there is a million ways to use energy, not just to get what you want, but also to destroy something, or even to attack emotionally someone, it may not even be so direct or precise on timing, but it will happen.
My aims and goals seem to be working, my ranks are building, and my future is ready, and everything in my path will either come with me, or be destroyed. I am not kidding. If I gained so much, with so little then I have the energy for much bigger plans.

I will respect those who respect me for who I am, I do not judge anything without knowing about it, that includes people to music. I have changed very much in the past year that I now know how to handle people and situations. I feel like I'm controlling my life in a third person view, acknowledging everything that happens around me, at the same time taking in account what others think, doesn't exactly mean I think about everyone around me first, no one does, everyone thinks about number one, themselves. its natural, don't be afraid of yourself, acknowledge who you are and what you are capable of, and take advantage, but doesn't meen take advantage of those around you, If you take, you must give, and trust me I give more then I take, and most of the time I don't get gratitude for what I've done, but I don't mind, I've already taken what I need, that's what I care about.
If you hate me, don't expect to be hated back, Hate is time consuming, it wastes negative energy, that I could use for someone who's worth the time to hate, with Hate around, you realise what you Love.
I've said before that I've wasted my time on someone I loved, and etcetera bullshit about that person, BUT NO! In fact, because of that person I am who I am today, and because of that, She is worth hating every second, because she, once was worth being loved.
Now I am happy, because I know who I truly am, what I need to do, and where I need to go, with friends that I could never be so thankful for and moments that will drown me in sorrow in a near future, only to know that I truly had a great time on this island, and that I am one hell of a son of a bitch.

Son of a Bitch

ADHD-I

For a long time, I kept thinking their was something wrong with me, like why do I fail so badly at school? even though I did try? and relasonships, they seem to fail in many areas, espcially in arguments, if I get nervous I shut down, and the next day I will not remember properly that argument or conversation, and everyday things like Im a photographer, but in reality Ive got so many photos to edit, videos to edit, thing to finish, I hardly ever finish anything, it needs to fully impress me or have a major advantage for me, I know it sounds self-fish but its how it works with me, as much as I dislike it myself, Ive talked to a few people and many dont understand I cant just say "Ok Im going to do this..." If my subconcious doesnt like it, it will NOT happen, Ive started books, songs, photos, videos, websites, anything really, and most of them are half done. If I get pushed to hard aswell, it gets worse, and worse. I get easily distracted by random stuff, that will make me forget about small things I got told to do, like maybe I was ment to phone someone, or tell someone something, Its seriously not my fault and I dont intend to forget about such things, and If I have done this to you before I apologise...
I constantly loose items, watches, lighters, random things, at school was worse, I never had pens or pencils or rulers or any stationary stuff because I would loose them. Its shit...
If I do start something like editing a photo that I find a job or chore, I will be easily distracted, and If im distracted I wont finish them, especially If I need to deeply concentrate on something I dont exactly want to.
One thing is I am pretty good at organizing events pretty quickly, but I try and avoid that, and make everything in the moment and go with the flow, also due to the fact I loose track of time completly, Multitasking can be hard aswell, depending if I like such tasks. Ive been looking online, about peoples stories about ADHD-I and they are extremely similar to mine. I was school dropout, I left at 16, and most of my jobs I got fired and never lasted a year... Im lazy but not because I want to be lazy I hate it, I fucking hate it... I find leaving this island might help, it depresses me, irritates me, and bores the living shit out of me. I cant stand it, maybe it doesnt help the ADHD-I im not sure.

A website I just found indicates these are the following symptoms an Adult has when with ADHD-I or ADD

Adults	Often making careless mistakes when having to work on uninteresting or difficult projects
	Often having difficulty keeping attention during work, or holding down a job for a significant amount of time
	Often having difficulty concentrating on conversations
	Having trouble finishing projects that have already been started
	Often having difficulty organizing for the completion of tasks
	Avoiding or delaying in starting projects that require a lot of thought
	Often misplacing or having difficulty finding things at home or at work
	Disorganized personal items (sometimes old and useless to the individual) causing excessive "clutter" (in the home, car, etc.)
	Often distracted by activity or noise
	Often having problems remembering appointments or obligations, or inconveniently changing plans on a regular basis

I thought you were better then that.

Hints of little hope were still inside me, telling me your still a good person, someone who still cared. But after last night, Im not sure If I could ever see your face again, What for? to melt my memories again?, to crush an imagination thats always included two? I wanted yesterday to end with See You Soon.... But this proved my dark and deeper thoughts about you, and I was hoping they weren't true, but hey! shit happens, I will never forget who you were, and Ill try and not to remember, you know, you wont see me again, why? because now Ill make sure of it. I only wanted one moment, one last moment, and I guess the things around were always more meaningful for you then I ever was.
I even wanted to give you something, but whatever, If you don't have the smallest moment just to say goodbye, you aren't worth my time, my thoughts and my memories....
I even got to a point, were I accepted who you have become, even though I disliked it very much,.
This is One Last Goodbye, with you far away, it will be easier to forget about you.

Cheers for proving to me, the worse that went through my head.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U0Z3SoRPbS4

Enter One...