Trust

It seems these days its hard to come by someone who actually wants to know you, they see it as a daunting task, and then they complain something bad happened while in a relationship... It happened to me.
Trust is valuable in any day circumstances, but we take so much advantage of it and then destroy it completely for both sides, and hopeful future events.
We forget how to know someone, and have the patience, dementia succumbs us, and we just fall for the unusual, the ones who stared right through us.
More and more I see how hard it is to find someone who actually cares, and wants to know everything about you. More and more getting lost, like I've said in the past I don't want the past as ironic as it seems. Just something new, something comfortable, to share.
And those who complain about guys or girls who have treated wrong in the past, who you could never trust again, those are the people who never saw you, never tried, but Why? Well because you were never you in front of them.

There is 2 ways:

1- You act like someone who you are not, to impress or achieve something that you want, to be with someone you want. But this is the fastest way to get someone in to bed, or having a small relationship. Downfall? They are either falling in love with someone who doesn't exist, or doing the same thing and both are equally as fucked.

2- You act yourself at all times, respect at a certain degree that you can handle, and do the things that you enjoy most, do not be someone different around others, especially those who you like exceptionally, your friends are beside you for years, and are there because you are yourself. Downfall? It could take forever to actually find someone who achieves that, someone who likes you for who you are, and that's why most take the first option.

Night. XXIII

Another treat, Another day

Well back again riding the yo-yo...
The problem is when I "hyperfocus" on one thing, I fade out on ther subjects, like friends, family etc...
The problem is, MANY dont know the reasons of my behaviour, dont understand my decisions, and dont listen. They simply just dont understand, and I have to through extreme detailed explanations to let them know I have a problem. It saddens me to actually meet people, become good friends with them and then they completely ignore the fact that there is something wrong, even when told.
They point their fingers elsewhere, saying its other things and that with "will" I can change it.
They do not know its like Dyslexia, Adult-ADHD is something I cant control, or figure out whats it going to do next, The only way I have tried to live with it, is going witht the flow, but THAT puts me in crap situations also.
People want you to be morally accepted. even those who oppose society and its ways, they still acknowledge the good and bad, But todays morals have gone too far, and even they do oppose society and its ways they still conform to it. 
I cant dream big anymore, because if you dream big people shun you down, because its not morally good.
I have decided to search for help with my ADHD. As I see it destroying everyday life of mine, and in reality im tired of trying to keep up with everyones moral views and not accepting mine.
Im going to walk away to those who say It doesnt exist, I will explain to those who want to know, and my friends are those who understand.

It seems that many have the wrong picture of me, and most of them speak behind my back. Its funny I am person who ALWAYS asks to those to please if their is a problem that they have with me, SPEAK it with me, discuss it with me, I do not like hurting people, especially my friends.

I also want to apologise to those who only recently found out about my ADHD, or who understood it.
I should of said sooner.

Well heres a new lyrics I wrote... I hope you like it :)


Couldnt leave a trace of atention
into an endless void i go
I cant stand this tension
I know im going to blow

All Day Hiding Disfunctions
suffocating under my own words
im spiralling downwords
let me free of my fiction

If I cant understand my own clouds
How do I expect you to guide me through
fading through all these crowds
i tend to become an issue

Explaining is as useless as fighting it
facing clouds that dont look back
i cant seem to even quit it
its taking me down in this panic attack

All Day Hiding Disfunctions
suffocating under my own words
im spiralling downwords
let me free of my fiction


Some testimonials of other people with Adult-ADHD.
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I am 23 years old and was recently diagnosed with adult ADD. After all the years of being criticized for not paying attention, zoning out and being useless i feel relieved to know there is a reason. I have been reading through this site and it really helps to hear others with the same problems i have been experiencing. 

My main problem seems to be my temper and sensitivity to criticism. At the moment I am struggling not to argue with my partner. I wonder if anyone feels the same? I can be fine one minute then explode the next if my partner keeps going on about the same thing that i have done wrong etc. I get so worked up that I have impulsive reactions and want to storm off then ten minutes later will want to be normal again. 

My partner often gets annoyed because he misinterprets a lot of things I say and tells me that i have to think before I speak, but I find it hard as I don't believe I am saying anything wrong because he has misunderstood. 

I am finding it really difficult and wonder if anyone has found any good coping strategies. I also get really frustrated as I do things a different way to other people and my partner thinks that it isn't a logical way to do whatever the task is and is forever checking everything I do. This infuriates me and makes me feel suffocated and useless. I have just started taking straterra which I have had for 2 months now. I have seen some improvements in my reactions but tend to lapse now and then. Also I have been getting side effects I wondered if anyone else had?  
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http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_does_adult_ADD_ADHD_affect_relationships_with_other_adults_and_partners