Seriously?

Noodles

Heal The Past

I wrote this song and it has a lot of meaning and emotion to me.

lost on the hill of treasured hope
to be unforgotten and bewildered
blind windmills facing the rope
cry this fortune to be conquered

I can see the eyes of your sin
Ignorance to my ultimate push
never too wise to feel your skin
enraged this emotional path

Heal the past
inside my panic

Heal the past
inside my panic

Now I see where its all gone
Words dont beleive my choice
love whereas bound to the dawn
werent this faith to be trusted upon

The presence kills every memory
soon it will join the dreams
all absence of you will dissapear
fresh and nurtured love gleaming

Heal The Past
inside my panic

Heal my past
inside this panic

What is reality?

Ive been getting the dreams again... most likely due to the news... Its really starting to tak over me, I either want to sleep for ever and dream what is becoming my past, my reality... or never to sleep again...
Today I herd, If you dream about someone, it means they were thinking about you when they went to sleep. I wish this was true but how things are I think that stopped long ago...
The heat and summer is unbearable but for the first time I'm becoming a lot more positive about the summer and its awkward heat, just a lot of pool, beaches... just water xD

Im scared of the future, but then again I cant wait, the reason why my mind wanders back in time is due to this island and the memories, also getting hurt every second now knowing the truth. It kind of feels like these nightmares/dreams are like another dimension or portal, a "what if", One thing im not sure about is, Would I of been happier now? or in the what if dimension? I've seen friends relationships come and go a lot recently, and its hard seeing them upset and problematic but the more I observe the more I understand, what we were like, our flaws, our problems, our stupidities, I will keep all of this new info in to account so when I do fall in Love again I will try and make it the best fucking time of my life, I know I'm a very romantic person but also very ermmm annoying at times hehe, but I can fix that. I have successfully merged my old-self with a new sit and observe positive way of think.

Im not sure if it early misconceptions I had about her but I did enjoy it.

Mirrors...

my face turned white
I feared this day will turn
it will burn the skylight
it feels like a u-turn

Your blurred face on my mirror
Something to replace this cancer
now to chase a new chapter
to become a never after

I want to sleep an eternity
to keep you in my dreams
as long as the past stays present
no longer would I keep it ancient

dazed mirrors
heart liquors

dazed mirrors
confused summers

All I wanna do is leave
but now I see is this shit
I dont wanna beleive
as luck would have it

Your blurred face on my mirror
Something to replace this answer
now to chase a new error
to become a never after

through this mirror
never ever after
through this error
never ever after
through with this
and never ever after

dazed mirrors
heart liquors

dazed mirrors
confused summers

new lyric I wrote today... fucked up...

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK? FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK 

Birds?

Well recently ive been having odd luck with birds "the animal kind" Once out downtown, after a couple of drinks with my friends we went for a walk and buyed a bottle of vodka and we drank it all together, after many hours dancing and stupidity we walk back to the bus stop I think it was, untill out of the blue I find this little bird on a low branch in the move that much but it was perfectly fine, and at the time I felt sorry for it, We called it Twitter, yeah I know original... lol, but anyways I took it home and put it in a box and the next day it dissapeared and their was no trace of it, anyways satan knows whats happened to it, so a few weeks later, some bloody bird is on my front garden/porch, a bloody Kestrel, it looks hurt and in shock due to the dogs barking like mad at it, in the end i put it in a box and called the Avian Rescue service, they fucking ignored me pricks... anyways In the end after about 45 minutes the bird had an unusual fit and died in my room, this was a just a few days ago too, now today, Im listening to Aphex Twin, a bit stoned, and I hear something scratch or bang the window lightly I walk outside thinking "what the fuck was that?!?" in the end I decide to close the window and a fucking bird flies out of my room towards me and then swoops backwards away... I was in utter shock LOL it was a total WTF moment... Now I wanna know What has happened? why is birds attracted to me? the wrong kind of birds.

Drink up, youll need it

Well BLOG!
Seems to be slight progress going on, also too much thinking going on, I know its only for 3 months untill I leave, but... its not even worth it for these 3 months, well, im not gonna rush things, ill see how it all goes in the next 2 weeks. But I kind of regret it, oh well... fuck it.
oh and England, its getting there, more and more, but no details yet, ill keep the best for a surprize.

I found a new band today, I really like its like Mexican Rock n Roll, ive always loved that kind of music but could never find a decent band but TODAY I have :) their called Tito & Tarantula, their awesome, check them out.

Lately I feel different and weird, its good, because I feel like I've merged my old self of weird me with my present  easy going was, Ill see how it goes, If I feel comfortable with it.

There is though, one major thing thats going wrong... How I talk to girls, its like I dont know how to anymore, Im utter shit at it, its like I cant understand them, or what they want. But you know FUCK EM! they've only been giving me hell and shit for the past 12 months, when I get back to the UK it will change.

maybe Ill continue another day