What is fair?

Well, What is exactly being fair? what is doing the right thing?
To be honest, what has happened, has been mainly your fault but ive contributed to that fault, and I will explain.
You chose to be who you are right now, but you wouldn't be there if it wasn't for me, i gave you the tools and you made the chair, Now, I will not forgive myself for throwing you away like I have, and hurt you again... for that our friendship, existence between each other has disappeared your are just an acquaintance that I can read.
You and others wonder why sometimes i may get frustrated and angry, when these matters are taken into account but obviously you dont understand, and never will, ever will. This utter urge of love to share with you, and that you throw it away like just some "friend", I am sorry maybe in MANY years to come, we will contact eachother but for now, this friendship was never there because I understood the wrong message, it doesn't help though... it doesn't help making the message look like what I thought it was, you know? the things we did, you dont just do with another guy friend. You are in stress, pain and confussion, and of course you take it on the person you love most... I wanted to be there for you when the sky falls down, to be there when you pass your school year, be there when its new year, but you dont want any of it, because your a coward, scared of me, How can you be scared? you know me well enough, and also I have changed, and you have proved very well that people can change drastically, I may not have changed so much, but my ways of dealing with everyday lifes fucking problems is now my choice, my decision and I will fucking solve my life, with or without you, Yes! I know I very well know that it was MY fault that i broke up with you, but the difference you threw me away many months before, your good at this, this brave face of yours, if it wasnt for me, everyone would think your just perfectly fine... thats why your scared of me, I am your truth.

I Am Your Truth

Theories?

The changes:
Why is it when you met those new girls these "cool" fashionable popular girls you started looking like them? then after a while you started acting like them? and then even liking the music "Rihanna"? I meen i would of accepted you for who you are, but now that you dont want anything with me, i might aswell voice my opinion. I was right, you changed, You were right, I was stupid for dumping you, for not accepting those new changes. But look at yourself, your in a herd of sheep. All eyes are on you, and you know it, big time, you know your beautiful, and now that you have the control I'm out of the picture, and guess what?!? for once in my life I am not the only motherfucker seeing this, but guess what you wouldnt be there if you never met me, it may sound vain but its true. And this is the thanks I get. You say you know every crack in me, every detail, well you didn't see this coming? or did you?
The past 4 months without me, you have noticed more things about your social life with your amigos, respect, new friends, new life, new changes... and you love it, and thats why your scared if I come back in your life and ruin it all, but of course if I was just a friend, you pull the strings, well fuck that, ive broken these strings, and you can live your life how you want now, just remember who I am, who you are not, I quote from you, at one day many months ago, you looked at this pija girl, and you sayd to me "WTF? I will never be that!" Well, you are the commercial teenager, congratulations.

In my dreams...

At least you will be there in my dreams, all I gotta do is sleep as much as I can, to see your eyes shine as the nights stars. Why? Why only in my dreams?

My love lies over the ocean
Long ago it fumbled in my hands
I'm a fool to stoke and tend a dying fire
That will never make it back to land


Drown me sweetly
sea of tears so far from shore
I have plucked this last heart string for a song
Drag me down to deepest depths and leave me there
I shall long for you no more


there is an ocean that divides, and with my longing I can charge it with a voltage that's so violent, to cross it could mean death...


By Scott Matthew – There Is An Ocean That Divides.

How many times?

How many times do is to take to let you know I love you? You out of anyone should know Ive waited long enough, you alreayd made me wait a year im not bloody waiting again. Im 19, im going to have fun, i WANTED it with you, You seriously fucking dont know what im going through to try and see you, to try and put that fucking fake brave face on, I will always love you, but I aint trying no more, you want me? well you start trying.

My Emotion has no word but a description.

I want to shout it, I want to show you it, I want you to know... but keeping it all back is a fair bit of hell, in a step to low, all i want to do is yell. The fire ive got in my heart, ready to be an art.

In time and large seconds, the feeling of it just there, its something to declare, a regret thy will forever never forget, a trust in need of comfort, like a grain of sand in the dessert, something we will remember till the times we see the abyss, a depth so large there is to our knowledge and memory, a plague of happiness, the positive massacre, as we all sacrifice something, to get a better result. a result so beautiful completely mis-understood, a being so fragile, her emotions are made of glass, her intimacy blown all over the grass, she has the brightest tunnel, it shines all the way to be wilfull, that is why, my emotions, are at the point of hysteria, a sight of limerence, a taste of compersion.

New thing

Hmmm... I had an idea tonight, lately a lot of talk has been going on with me and my close friends, about basicly life, we try and understand the hardest parts of life by just unifying them with easy ways, it works better when your stoned...
Soo im gonna make show-podcast on youtube talking about energies, religions, and other things that interest the mind of all, the belief system... I will try and make it has interesting has possible for viewers. it will aslo be connected to my blog "this one" and also be called Vain's Conspiracy of Life, its mainly voicing my opinion and letting other people know there is more ways of seeing life.

:)

How do you stop the destruction one's self?

For fuck's sake...

To think I might not see those eyes

Well, WELL! Ok.
I know ive been up and down lately, not knowing what to do, scared of what is to come, but again, im confused, For the past 3 months ive been happy but also a prick, a fucking dickhead to someone very special, I know I say it alot but right now, I feel alone, lost and without her touch.

Its hard not to think about her every night and day, dream about her in many ways and dimensions, reasons and results. Ive been trying to figure out whats going on but why should i ask? i meen Do I need to know why i still love her? no, i just need to go with the flow, follow the stream, and hope for a nice comfortable future, with or without her. Of course I want to be with her, Ive never ever felt like this before and I doubt for a long time i will feel like this again with someone else, She is special, and i miss her.

Crimson Night

Under the night of the crimson moon, I remember those eyes, something was different, something was beautiful, a future no power could hold, no one could take.
Such a long time ago, I remember this night, this night with the love she gave, I remember you chose me.
Unlike any other night or day, it was amazing. Something I cant describe.

There was a time when I foolishly lost this, something I regret till this day, something I will always regret, I lost her beauty for my stupid mistakes, despite my mask of insanity, I adored her skin, I adored her love, and I did something that unfortunately will never be forgotten.
I will never forget her beauty, her words, the times, and the places.

Again... I lost this... But this time I threw it away, and I shouldn't of, I regret I did this, Why did I throw it away? Its never been so hard to get it back, I accept her new ways, I accept her for who she is, but does she accept my mind, my insanity, my love?

Will I see this beautiful road again?

On these days, these much harder and difficult days, will it be brought back to this eternal beauty of her love?
I do not know, I am confused, but one thing I know is that I want her back, no matter what.

Maybe one day, a crimson night will be brought again. I do not want these shallow nights, without her arms around me.

Do not let it go please.

No, Thank you : )

Something beautiful, unusual, weird, fun, happened tonight, I'm not gonna say because you don't need what it was, but what I would like to say is that, it was good and relieving, hopefully with time and patience, I know I'm a person who can let out what I feel on the moment, sometimes quiet exaggerated but you get it, also I acknowledged  the changes, something I cant do nothing about and... I don't want to, I've come to terms with myself and all I gotta do is sit and wait, patience is a virtue, don't throw it away.

I would like to thank you for coping with the bullshit, the crap and the rudeness of how I have been. Sometimes a prick like me needs sometime to realise things.

I will continue life like I have been in the same way, untill the day comes.

Also, there is one small problem, you need to release what you got inside, your still a little closed, release your emotions do not trap them. I am here for you as you are there for me.

Memories, Why?

I wrote in a earlier post about how over I am of my ex Grace, but the other day she walked in the skate park, she completely shocked me, I didn't know what to do, she was asking how I was and that but the thing going through my mind were two things, I wanted to burn her alive for doing this, and I wanted hug her until my arms fell off, so what I did was in-between that, NOTHING, just be blank, with answers with no emotion, simple yes and a simple no. The thing is, before this happened I told her not to come near me, talk to me, contact me, or say Hi, basically do nothing, like we don't know each other, so it fuelled with hate and wrath but seeing her face just reminded me again something I didn't want as I got to a point where she wasn't on my mind all the time, so it was fucked up.

You may think this is a little personal but to be honest your gonna find out either way might as well be me telling you.

Unfortunately this road ended

One thing I did notice was, she still isn't the person I met, that wonderful girl that didn't care what people thought about her, didn't like opinions or speaking two faced about people. She has become one of those. And for once its not only me that has noticed this.

Living the Bohemian

Last weekend (16th to the 18th) Me and my friend Leo went to Barcelona, Something just told us to do this, firstly we were off for a Gothic rave night at Demonix Club, but before hand ill start off were we started.

2 weeks ago, I saw an event on Tuenti of a Gothic Electro Rave night in Barcelona, and at beginning I didn't think i was gonna go, but I knew Leo would like the idea, so I told him about an idea of going to Barcelona for a weekend and going to this Gothic Night, He agreed straight away, The next day we booked the flights and we knew this is it, were going to Barcelona, Its not my first time as Ive lived and been there before, but its Leos first time in Barcelona.

Saturday, 16th Of October 2010
Early Morning - 7ish
I woke up really bloody tired, I didn't want to move but a few minutes later my mind realized IM GOING TO BARCELONA! So I started to move faster, but I couldn't make much noise because my mum was sleeping in the room next to me because a friend of hers was staying that week, I got my clothes ready, got myself ready, I tried to do my fucking contact lenses that we bought the day before but they're were so hard to put in, eventually i got the hang of it. After 30 minutes of fucking about, I got my stuff ready, and headed towards Leos house.

Leo had a mate to take us up to the north airport in his van but before we headed up there, a nice joint had to be smoked :)

We arrived at the airport, it was a beautiful morning around 17 degrees, very cool, it was perfect temperature.
We got our tickets and waited for our plane, during this wait, we were sitting down looking at the beautiful female bodies walking by, and I was guessing all they're ages using they're elbows, Yes i know very weird.

We got on our plane, not exactly comfy but whatever, BUT, we had some crazy Italian dude next to us, who was taking this shit in a pharmaceutical bottle, it looked bad, and he just looked pissed and couldn't speak a single word. But he was friendly to us. Not in the sense of hes touching us up, in the sense of not trying to hijack the plane or something like that.

After a few hours on that bloody, we both tried to sleep on it but we couldnt maybe a few minutes or so but nothing major. We arrived at Barcelona Airport, and didint know what to do next, so i took charge and sayd lets get the train into the city and find a Hostel, oh yeh, by the way we didint even book the hostel before hand :) Living the Bohemian!

Eventually after a few hours of changing trains, metros, and walking everywhere we phoned my parents so they can check which street this Hostel is on, apparently we were closer to Demonix Club then the Hostel but oh well.

We got there and found the hostel, a dude behind the counter, proper hippie-bohemian like person, he was pretty cool, They only had 5 beds left that night and the next so we booked the both nights.

After leaving our shit at the room, we decided on a walk, and we found Domino's Pizza! We needed to try a Domino's after all i was blabbering to Leo all day about the K.F.C, Domino's and the rest in Barcelona. We left Domino's and just kept walking to see if we could possibly find the place we were earlier on in the day, but we couldn't find it, walked all over, eventually we found a taxi, (I didn't know it was so hard to get a Taxi in l'Hospitalet), we got the Taxi and headed of to Demonix Club and found it :), we were quiet early so instead we went to a rock bar that was joined above of the club called "Lennon's" it was pretty cool but the shandy was fucking disgusting. When the club opened, we went in and got our drinks "True Blood" (Vodka with Red Grenadine) and sat down, There wasn't many people at the beginning.
After a while staring at all the cyber goth girls, the Gothic-electro group started "T3RR0R 3RR0R". They were quiet good but we both expected much better, after the group finished we decided to go home after all I did get up really early and Leo hasn't slept has he works at night. We got back at the Hostel safe and sound and slept great.

Sunday, 17th of October 2010
Midday

I got up around 11 ish and Leo was still sound a sleep, but i wanted to leave the room and we had one key between the both of us, but i left the room to check out the hostel anyways. I walked around and the place was pretty cool, awesome terrace for sun bathing, games room, kitchen, etc... I recommend it its called Yellow Nest Hostel, really cheap :)

We got the metro at Collblanc and headed towards La Familia Sagrada, we got out the metro what is right next to it, and Leo was shocked, the architecture was so beautiful, amazing building.
After we went and got the metro to Plaza Catalunya, we walked around all day around Las Ramblas and the Gothic streets, we saw a weird band Spiritual Healing Sound - Pedro Collares http://www.myspace.com/pedrohang
They play these awesome instruments called Hangs it was incredibly spiritual we sat there listening, Leo bought a CD its awesome, great to get stoned to.

Later on we got a KFC, Leo's first time in KFC, he fell in love with it hahaha, it is tasty chicken :)
and then we got the metro back to the hostel got changed and went back out, we went back to the Ramblas and found a rock bar it was awesome, we met a guy that looked like a hippie version of Johnny Depp who sold us Space Cakes! and we smoked a few joints there it was amazing.

The weekend may have not been long, but it was different something new and exciting, something we could relate to easily.
We are planning of moving there :)

I want to thank my mate Leo, if it wasn't for him we couldn't have gone! Thanks man truly appreciated

Barcelona the most amazing city in the world! GO THERE!!

Long time

Wow i havent posted in over 20 days, Im in a not giving shit mood right now... also quiet happy as well, Life? fuck it, lets have a ball and biscuit sugar, lets take our sweet little time about it, mind is running with ideas, ways of living, what to do, and to be honest, ill just wait for when my moment comes, and for now live and let joy, im having fun, single or not, im a happy motherfucker, Ive got the best mates ive had in years, theyre like brothers to me, and also im quiet liking someone at the moment, but till then, ill drink some of my absinthe, take the life as it goes and pass on euphoric ways of having joy in this life, passion, music, love, sex, friendship, parties or not, try and make work a little fucking happier or more fun, take the little things in life, they all bloody add up to make who you are, Im not giving a shit what people think what am i or who i am or to be, they dont know shit who i am, im happy and you cant ask for more then that, yeh sure, things like money and that would help but fuck it im happy...


Also starting a new band up, after leaving Lights Of Epidemia because i thought i was going to the UK and that the band were speaking shit behind my back, ive started with my good mate Gavin a new band, Rohypnol is the name for the band, funny way how we ended up calling ourselves that, Felix our guitarist was talking about how he was addicted to roofies (jokingly) and when i remember what a roofie was, i knew that Rohypnol is the perfect name for us, We will fall in your life and youll forget us soon after...

anyways half way through wiritng this i got distracted easily, it happens... especially when your stoned, well like i was saying halfway through this i wrote a lyric for a most likely a song we will do, i call it, Some nights are best forgotten!


Oh yeah
times like this you need to relax
enjoy these flashbacks
all you need to do is let it go
no more then just a hello

some nights are best forgotten
especially with me
dont worry it wont be broken
i wont make it bloody

if you think its just like this
dont be a fucking princess
take the devils drink
and dont even blink

ive been around
seeing your faceless lie
its all a wound
its still in the sky

some nights are best forgotten
especially with me
dont worry it wont be broken
i wont make it bloody

some nights are best forgotten
just some nights
just some nights

ill get you back up
to feel life
ill be your backup
to feel the nightlife

some nights are best forgotten
especially with us
dont worry it wont be broken
ill make it breathless

you know its time
to forget some nights
these bright lights
shine me in this way

Copyright by Danny James Dryden 2010.

I think its pretty fits for a hard rock song we will do, mainly similar to the stuff like white stripes, modern alternative rock.

anyways cheerio!

The Bible your insurance to Heaven...

Well today ive decided to write in my blog about random things that pop into my head, im doing this to actually put something in here and also to kill some time at work, im just waiting for this green screen video to finish before i can do anything else.

What is your own opinion about religion? is it a cult? a way of life? a gift or obligation to life? or something that is actually out there?
My opinion is weird, I'm meant to be a Catholic, but i never ever go to to church and i haven't had my communion or whatever that is, and I don't care really, Why do we have to sing silly songs to god the same ones as well? Why do they always refer god to a man? If he did actually exist it wouldn't be a genre or sex, it would be just an entity, a force... well to be honest i don't bloody know, but a book made 2000 years ago by some drunk men who made a set of rules about "religion" is not going to convince me. The Bible is another fictional book to put in the library, a fictional piece of crap, seducing people to believe god in "they're" way... theres millions of ways to believe god, but Christianity just make it menacing and scary, to make follow in the end. THE RAPTURE!! i laugh at this because its normal that anything with a beginning has an end, so of course the end of the world will come one day, but the rapture is another fucking way to scare you to believe god, to be honest it doesn't work in these days, were bloodshed, rape, war, sickness, and lies are filling up this world where people have asked God so many time whats going on, that they cant keep waiting for an answer... Why? Why doesn't god respond? well because your asking the wrong way, in my opinion, there isn't a god and there is...
The will to do things, to achieve things in life, to support others and yourself, is all in our mind and heart... We need to Ask OURSELVES not god, US, not the almighty, we create our future that controls the present, we cant ask anything else why, we ask ourselves why.

I'm not criticizing God, I'm criticizing the way you believe and it ways, its rules.

The Bible is just an insurance that you pay with life and you think your going to heaven...

Don't go to church to find inner happiness find it in the people around you, your family, friends, animals... Because they actually listen to you.

Oh well... "All my lyrics!

Today was the last time I saw her eyes shine through mine.
For only a week I was with Anastasia and tomorrow she is leaving from here to live in Belgium for her future.
I'm happy for her but its difficult I didn't expect to expect feelings this fast for someone after Grace. But it was amazing while it lasted...
I've decided to post ALL MY LYRICS, all the lyrics I've written well... the ones i can find because I've done so many I don't know where I've put them hehe.

Dissatisfaction

results wernt growing well
as eachothers pain
were revealing towards the end

a dissatisfaction
disbelief of our status
became more ignorant
we decided to forget
and go on

but the dangers grew closer
confusion blew across our oceans
devastation cried around our minds
a song that played
we wanted to shut down

phases became more and more
we were going down
like 1912
we hit the berg

we knew this
but we chose to ignore
piling up to a tower
to fulfill a path
that we didint see

a dissatisfaction
disbelief of our status
became more ignorant
we decided to forget
and go on

--------

Exposure

as the end was nigh
we started to know this
choking on our own words
to try and set a goal

but exposure
to our truth of our emotions
became more evident
that we no longer tryed

we repressed our feelings
shutting down the truth
allowing ourselfs to fall apart
contact became a chore

denial in our minds
trying to pretend
we have no sorrow
soon to be an unveiled truth

but exposure
to our truth of our emotions
became more evident
that we no longer wanted this

-------

Negotiation

sitting down
trying to play the field
not knowing the rules of the game
we tryed and tryed

negotiation was in place
to settle an agreement
to our love and destiny

we didint know the rules
we continued to ignore
our fate was becoming
a future with no hope

confusion led to this
we faded away
like morning's night sky
we felt unconcious of our love

negotiation was in place
to settle an agreement
to our end and path

--------

Resolution & Transformation

still going on
together we are
but we both know
that its still isnt this

the resolution
isnt working
like the plan was ment to be
a transformation yield to go

an explanation
to the behaviour of our last moments
in this field of sorrow
we couldnt bear no longer

a truth slipping into the world
suspecting something is nigh
i choose to go on
to fight another time

the resolution
isnt working
like the plan was ment to be
a transformation yield to go

-------

Termination

falling down these stairs
a ragdoll pushed around
no freedom in choices
following a path we didint want

termination was the answer
something we both feared was going to happem
trying to put the world back
to way it was

the less we give
the more it comes
we need to accept
that anger and guilt
is not our fault

confused with a new end
to begin a new life
without our eros
feeling this loss

feeling this anger
is ok
Acting on the anger
is not!

going back will not change
our outcome
its gonna be a hard ride
but we gonna integrate
our lifes to acceptance

--------

Her seductive smile

the seductive smile
turns you into stone
freezes you in time
not knowing whats next

i dont care
she is the last ingredient i needed
from the pain ive received
i will be preapared

a new fight
a new desire
to engage this time
a new beginning

her seductive smile
a string of guitars
playing the chords
with a mile to live

eyes that can kill
a thousand men
stronger them kings themselfs
even without the city lights
i see her beauty shine my path

im stupid to do this
but im happy to fall for this

-------

Blowing the smoke

Blowing the smoke
trying to find something
inhaling the future
to forget the past

such a beautiful land
shame to blast them
with a packet or two
what am i doing?

never thought i would do this
why does calm taste like mint?
the feeling is nigh
but its all a lie

Blowing the smoke
trying to find something
inhaling the future
to forget the past

blowing the smoke
trying to hide myself
inhaling the lies
to forget emotion

in a dream im awake
walking through a city
at night with no lights
all i see is a bright cherry

i walk alone
the air tastes of mint
a trail of emotions
in the city of gaudi

the sacred family
searching for a future
if i look back now
all i see is smoke and lies

Blowing the smoke
trying to find something
inhaling the future
to forget the past

blowing the smoke
trying to hide myself
inhaling the lies
to forget emotion

happiness
leaving a trail of sorrow
emptiness
leaving a trail of confussion

a chilling evening
lost with no stars to shine
there not even upside down
oportunity is wide

but the countless times
ive been promised
a life with hope
an emotion i cant find

to an extent that is long
feeling bipolar
blowing smoke
in this cold minty air

have i chosen the right path?
i havent even gone to that road
where a passenger says goodbye
and never looks back

dropping the white sticks
forgetting whats just happened
on the bird that cant go back
i cant even look at it

--------

Burning

Before you take it
i left down this purpose
crawling up and down
burning in a glass house

Suck the life outta me
portray an unlawful paradise
sick and tierd
cant stand your symbol

broken wings
i cant control
any future of mine
not even my past

no help beyond this point
all i need is the truth
i cant even get a lie
not a word from god

sitting and waiting
for the sky to burn me alive
waiting for it to happen
cant stay my skin deteriotes

broken wings
i cant control
any future of mine
not even my past

counter time
full of shit
i cant think
big brother burns me lies

its cold
its hot
i dont fucking know
where to go

sitting here
waiting to be burned alive
to see my life drain

---------

Determinism

A Path that was chosen before

Unity towards our health

Following a dream

A sorrow that seems to fade



I’m sorry to declare

That what we had

Is not what we have

Determinism has its effects



While 42 is everything

It seems not to answer

The question we also asked

To our self’s



My mind will not forget

My heart will not regret

Time for change

In our fates



A path that seems

To brake with cracks

A feeling that should

Never be sorrow



The gratitude will always be there

As times go by

------

Everything Bleeds

im sick and tierd of waiting
its time for you to leave
im seeing the daylight burn my eyes
a vast sky of nothingness

your bleeding us dry
hours of untold stories
unknown inside these doors
were everything changes

outside these worries
i cannot see a change
this has to stop now
choosing a time i will not forgive

you think its just that
depressing our name
to see a fake person
walk the streets

your bleeding us dry
hours of untold stories
unkwown inside these doors
were everything bleeds

i need to go
make my story
a scar on this earth
but with you i know not
this will not change

blame my wrath
for your actions
my fuck ups
to your doings

dont blame me
blame your fucking self
burn this money
why not?!

all you do is dream
stop fucking dreaming
live this fucking life
were more real then your nightmares

your bleeding us dry
hours of untold stories
unkwown inside these minds
were everything bleeds

-------

Eyes of the Darkness "Wrath Version"

Leave It Alone
Dont Complain
All You Are,
Are Hipocrits

The Books Are Our Visions
Soo Leave The Televisions
They Are Just Another Form Of Our Mind

They See...
They Are...
They Are The Eyes Of The Darkness

Theyre Books
With A Look
They Are The Hatred
Look in Yourself
And Youll See More of Whats Out THERE!!!

Our Inner Demon
Is Just Another Book
With No Words
Another Mind
In Another World

They See...
They Are...
They Are The Eyes Of The Darkness


Your Left With No Choice
All To Do is Complain
Your The Ones Who Are Taboo
Soo Go And Leave

Born...
Read...
Watch...
DIE!!!

They Are The Eyes Of The Darkness

------

Eyes of the Darkness "Short Sorrow Version"

Last Thing I Say'd
Was The Thought Of All
When The Truth Fell Apart
I Could Only Fall

Nights Were The Only Choice
I Was Feeling Rushed
In A Not Soo Distant World
In This One I Felt Crushed

Eyes Of The Darkness
Im The Disomniac

------

Fuck it

the feeling inside of me is getting darker
full of shit and full of anger
get rid of it get rid of me
fuck it all shoot it all

shit ive blown out
its let loose
no more please
ive gone to all fuck!
its started
its getting worse

to shit with everything
ill die one day but not today
my hour is now time to fuck it all

ive been driven to rage
i have a vision
a vision with our blood spilt together
to unify our fucked up lifes

im laughing at my failure
it starts a better beginning
ill start on everything
that includes you

to shit with everything
ill die one day but not today
my hour is now time to fuck it all

ive gone to all fuck!
its started
its getting worse

shit!
its ripped out of my mind
theres a black hole of non existence
in my thoughts
now the darkness has spread

uncontrolable fear
desired rage
uncontrolable fear
desired rage
uncontrolable fear
desired rage
uncontrolable fear
desired rage
uncontrolable fear
desired rage

fuck it

-------

Glorious Road

lights everywhere
imagination follows
slipping into a new world
to discover my mind

it flashes in my eyes
the wonderous pain
the frighting glory
its a vision to fulfill

Glorious road
entities of people
following theyre paths
in theyre mind

Glorious Road
flying so high
a new imagination
in my mind

present holding the future
our minds follow
slipping into the imagination
to discover a path

it flashes in my eyes
the wonderous pain
the frighting glory
its a vision to fulfil

-------

Hands of Blood

left alone and cried aside
we all follow some idiot
one day or another
we will make them follow

we are more pathetic
then our own shadow
crossed between sides
and left alone

my names untitled
left for the devil to decide
ive got my new crown of thorns
my heart made from barbwire

ill hurt anything that i touch
theyre heart will turn to coal
i have no shadow anymore
even my reflection has left me

left alone and cried aside
we all follow some fucker
one day or another
we will make them burn

i see blood dripping
down your heart
with the message of hate
burnt onto your palm of your hand

my heart and mind are the pentagram
let it burn
let it go dark as coal


left alone and cried aside
we all follow some fucker
one day or another
we will make them burn

--------

Heroes of Silence

*Intro - Susurando
Silence...
Heroes...

I Dont wanna go down in time
in a dark hole of silence
in a time of dead heroes
with a city of no lights

I Dont wanna go down in life
in a dark hole of torture
in a time of dead minds
with a city of no lights
(x2)

Heroes of silence
dead independence
Heroes of silence
dead independence
Heroes of silence
dead independence
Heroes of silence
dead independence

Tired of of being dead
white masks hiding
dead silent heroes
cant hide anymore

Staring at my imagination
tortured and mindfucked
take a breath and die
in a city with no lights

-------

I wasn't

I wasnt awake to find you alive
i didint care anymore to survive
all i needed right now
is the space between time

I wasnt there to help myself
i didint care about my health
I shot it down like a bird
surviving with one last word

I wasnt there
I wasnt alive
I wasnt myself
I burned my wealth

I wasnt awake to find you alive
i didint care anymore to survive
all i needed right now
is the space between time

I wasnt there to help myself
i didint care about my health
I shot it down like a bird
surviving with one last word

I wasnt there
I wasnt alive
I wasnt myself
I burned my wealth

Im walking away
actually feeling alive now
but lost inside somehow
burning through the doorway

Let me think about this
Why isnt it all bliss?
havent lost contact
all been soo abstract

I wasnt awake to find you alive
i didint care anymore to survive
all i needed right now
is the space between time

I wasnt there to help myself
i didint care about my health
I shot it down like a bird
surviving with one last word

------

Indulge my Paradise

i sleep till dawn arises
my brains cries pain
indulge this forgiveness
trying to fall upwards

creepy walls bounce
i see no blue
i taste sound
instead i bleed my mind

i lost my bunny
the forrest is dark
i walk alone
spiralling towards humanity

indulge my paradise
as my inferno flutters
chaos feels happy today
please go

i dont intend to laugh
to your pity
i want to fly
towards the blood

i feel your mind
its just like shock
to my hunny hive
ive just killed
i feel you

indulge my paradise
as my inferno flutters
love feels sad today
let me go

indulge my paradise
as my inferno flutters
thy feels happy today
the effect can happen

-------

IT

I try To lift up
but i keep falling
ive left to grow for soo long
but now i cant take it any longer

my love for it is tremendous
but i cannot do anything but let it break
my heart is too heavy for it
i cant keep waiting for it to grow

all the things i do is for it
but no matter what i keep falling
i want to make it grow
i dont want it to break

i have no other things to do
ive been lefdt here with one door
to choose from
only one chair to sit on behind it
if i sit it will brak

soo my choice is not go through the door
and suffer the consecuences
ill fall on the floor and shiver to death
but i will not break it
i will die of the wait
but i will not break it

fuck it
ill die
foreget it
i wont break it
fuck it
ill shiver
i wont break it

ive touched it
thats gone too far
its made out of glass
i dont want to sit on it

i rather destroy my mind and my heart
then sit on it
i couldnt bare seeing it be destroyed by ones own self pitty
destroy me
and fuck it
kill me
and fuck it
make me suffer
FUCK IT

i love it to much
i will not be selfish
soo ill crumble in my mind
and become mad insane and fucked up

let me be
let me die

--------

I've gave what I can


Ive Been Sleeping All A Long
With Distraut
And A Mirrage
I Could Bare No Longer

Caos Has Been Sleeping
But No Longer Will It Keep Dying

Ive Gave What i Can
To Trust What I Tryed

My Mind Has Been Resting
I Am Awoken From A Dream
A Dream That Bares No Mirrage To My Life
It Was Caos Who Was Beside Me All A Long

To All It Belongs To None
But Now Caos Can No Longer Wait
Its Destrucytion Has Started

It Started In My Nightmares
But It Will Finnish on You

Ive Gave What i Can
To Trust i Tryed

Ive Been Sleeping All A Long
With Rage
And Remorse
I Could Wait No Longer

Pain Has Raised Another Level
Wake Up Now

To All It Belongs To None
But Now Caos Can No Longer Wait
Its Destrucytion Has Started

It Started In My Nightmares
But It Will Finnish on You

Ive Gave What i Can

Im Lying On my Own Blood
Shaking From Fear
Shaken From Sorrow
Shaken From Rage
Shaken From...

--------

Mixtured Emotion


one thing
has a beginning
but finally an end
all i did was forgive
all you did was forget

Mixtured emotion
a sleeve of tears
will wipe away soon
were all falling
to rise back up

im gonna miss this
yes i am
a un-united bond
fully untrusted

we gave what we can
you never delivered
time for you to leave
we do not want this lies

Mixtured emotion
a sleeve of tears
will wipe away soon

Mixtured emotion
a sleeve of sadness
will wipe away soon

growing in this field
i see the stars again
but we need you gone
walk away now

follow your eden
lets just start again
im upset
you left us no choicce

you have mix of emotion
leaving with us empty
carried a trail of dispair
were all alone now

Mixtured emotion
a sleeve of hapiness
will be here soon

-------

November "Short"

To the end of all flaws
we killed the cause
continue this bridge
as i become vintage

May the dreams be sweeter
than i ever was
May the keys be strong
than they ever were

Remember
It was only november
the night with fire
only i could admire

Forget
that it was a net
the dawn with death
my last breath

------

Sexual Vamnpires


shape your name in the smoke
i carved our name on the old oke
time to drink to a new memory
and ill be your last breath

Sexual vampires
it was all fire
we burned!
we shared the pain
we burned!
it felt like cocaine
we burned

shape your heart in the smoke
i carved our sex on the old oke
time to drink to a new beauty
ill be your death

Sexual vampires
it was all fire
we dreamed
we shared the end
we dreamed
it felt like acid
we dreamed

cant follow you on
it was all drawn
i wont forget
the last sunset

we will not be diminished
you will be my cherished
ill will remember the bite
on the dawn of midnight

--------

Summers Nightmare

I had an energy
powerful and free
Now my hearts trapped
covered in chains

confused with wrath
i feel like walking away
and not to come back
im not flying anymore

a summers nightmare
loosing days
all the time
its failed

its to time walk
i dont need this
let me go
set me free

a summers nightmare
a lost heart
in time again
its all symmetric

confused with love
i feel like its a chore
symmetric love
time to fall away

------

The Limits of Choice

In times like this
I’m still young and versatile
What can I do? If your love constrains me
The contact is getting too much
Limited to what I can do

I can’t be the same
You look at me like I’m weird
But that’s the way I am

The limits of choice
I can’t think what to do anymore
I want to be me
You say you don’t control our relasonship
But I do something that is me
And I’m a freak from space

I can’t be with this
Our love is there
But there isn’t that feeling
We used to have

I want the freedom
I want my choices
Not to be looked down upon

--------

Scent on the wind

as i stand in fear
the unkown next is to come
as she follows the wind
her scent is drawn to beauty

the obstacle just like there is
is the one she follows
as she doesnt the truth
of the scent on the wind

feeling full
also with doubt
but this is it
i need to follow
the wind

her scent is strong
just like a perfume
a poisones perfume of innocence

she is like the wind
a powerful gust of desire
a strong infinity of envy
i feel her scent on the wind

powerless and shaken
this is not how it was ment to happen
but ill fight to have it
this scent is my addiction
to find a new way of life

--------------

untill the end

ropes and strings
calling all lies
to tighten this burden
to reunite a lost cause
we bled together
burning a summers day

no one will understand this
except us
we will see
how moonlights change

the lunatic heart
not hiding against you
no more friendly fire
your skin is cold
but flames in my blood
will warm your heart

chances are always given
why not now
the end was nigh
but fuck it
lets end it together

one day these strings will part
in a direction that splits
for a choice we dont understand
but we know its what we want

suspended in all test of love
i still manage to gain your heart
untill the end
we haved reached our goal

untill the end
beneath this moonlight

untill the end
when i see no summer dawn

untill the end
with haunted kiss

untill the end
when we meet again

---------

White Days

Our Days Are Still Bright
Some how theyre brighter at times
even when its dark you still shine

Our First Day Was A White Day
And Soo Will Every day to come

close inside with a dark mind
i mime to the words
your hearts sings to me

little bright there
little hell here
little you here and now

touch that key
and make my hurt pump
on the white days
of our life

the beginning is everyday
left with no choices
but to love all day

Our First Day Was A White Day
And Soo Will Every day to come

Our First Day Was A White Day
And Soo Will Every day to come

let your hair flow with the wind
let me be your king

you sayd white is the beginning
to start something
soo white is everyday of our beginning

ill still stay up at night
to wait you fall asleep
soo no one can hurt you
on our beautiful white day

let me flow with your hair
shining more then sun itself
but couldnt shine more then
our hearts together

Our Days Are Still Bright
Some how theyre brighter at times
even when its dark you still shine

-------------

You know what?

I see you burn
i see you set a light
I see you fade away in my dreams

Awoken by the smell of lies
To see all my memories
fade in ash like false endings
what is this?

walking through a silent street
i see blind minds
everything seems far away
to reach a new start

I see you rot
I see you not
I see the flames at the end of my dreams

I see you fade away
I see you so far away
I saw it coming

Awoken by the smell of lies
To see all my memories
fade in ash like false endings
you know what Fuck YOU!

Walking through city lights
i hear the music
everything seems to be fun
a presence of evil

Now Im alive
alive and well to see
what has always been there
a faded memory

-----------------

Your My Cure.



Your my cure
to the disease
that never existes
untill my vains
turned black

i fell in to your loneliness
and turned to the bones of eden
to follow our paths

your my cure
sweet cure
thats tastes like a cold afternoon
on a burning morning

i stumble on these streets
where eyes on the floors
looking down at me
disgust is theyre shame

leaving a trail of blood
a disease without motto
i couldnt beleive
i was here

your my cure
to the disease i have
to fall on my own blood
to taste my own mind

finding the date
to be right to you
but the pain follows

i cant see no more
to whats right in front of me
i cant see I CANT SEE
fuck i need a cigerette
to burn my sorrows away
to blow the smoke
of red blood
of the victims past and present

Your my cure
to the disease
i am nicotine
to your lungs
im bad for you
but you cant stop

lets face it
you know soon
youll have to leave
and leave the disease behind
to cure everyone else

I am cancer to society
they dont fucking care
im there alone on the streets
the night is bright
and i follow the moon
to my grave

---------

Shrouded Love

Shining them eyes one last time
remembering our pasttime
skies are dawning red
its all in our head

i may not be here
when you come back
beautiful moments
will never ever crack

shrouded love
terms of our end
not to offend
its never above

Shining them eyes one last time
remembering our pasttime
skies are dawning red
its all in our head

i may not be here
when you come back
beautiful moments
will never ever crack

it was all green
it was never obscene
one day again
we will pass through

-------------

I do have many more but on my old HDD. and it would fill up this page a lot.
If you did have the time to read them all please let me know whats your favourite? and why?

Change!

Well lately few big things are happening.
Awesome parties, epic concerts, meeting all these new awesome people, this summer seems to be fucking awesome, lets just see how it continues, because im liking it.
Also, Some know some dont, but ive been seeing someone, shes called Anastasia, and shes really really nice and very beautiful, and im happy : ) so thats good.
Anyways
Heres some photos from Brujas Rock 2010 & Goymar Festival 2010!

View all

View all

Hope you liked them

Your dead to me...

Your dead to me. 

Bye

Tonight ive gotten term to myself, and i dont care or give a shit about her anymore. Its too personal to post here but ive finally let go of her, not in the way i wanted, but now i dont want ANYTHING to do with her.

You Fucking Disappoint Me!

Dead as dead can be
My doctor tells me
But I just can't believe him
Ever the optimistic one
I'm sure of your ability
To become my perfect enemy

Wake up and face me
Don't play dead 'cause maybe
Someday I will walk away and say
You disappoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

Leaning over you here
Cold and catatonic
I catch a brief reflection
Of what you could and might have been
It's your RIGHT and your ability
To become my perfect enemy

Wake up 
(Why can’t you?)
And face me
(Come on now)
Don't play dead 
(Don’t play dead)
'Cause maybe
(Because maybe)
Someday 
(Someday)
I will walk away and say
You disappoint me
Maybe you're better off this way

Maybe you're better off this way (×4)
You're better off this (×2)
Maybe you're better off...

Wake up 
(Why can't you?)
And face me
(Come on now)
Don't play dead 
(Don’t play dead)
'Cause maybe
(Because maybe)
Someday 
(Someday)
I will walk away and say
You fucking disappoint me
Maybe you're better off this way!

Go ahead and play dead
(GO!)
I know that you can hear this
(GO!)
Go ahead and play dead
(GO!)

Why can't you turn and face me?
(WAKE UP!) 
Why can't you turn against me?
(WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn against me?
(WAKE UP!)
Why can't you turn against me?
(GO!)
You fucking disappoint me

Passive-aggressive bullshit... (×12)

The song is Passive by A Perfect Circle, 

The lyrics are perfect in terms of how i feel right... but guess what FUCK IT ALL! when i leave this god forsaken island fuck the lot of you in a nice you.!

AND TONIGHT!! Is time to fucking rock!!!!!! Brujas Rock Concert, 3 Heavy metal bands, from 22:00 in el fraile!! get down there!!!!!!

And the after party is sponsored by me drinking it dry!

Hopefully just maybe

Hmmm... In this blog you possibly will not understand anything about to say, but maybe someone will : ).
Distanced far away, i can barely talk anymore, i cant even go outside without breathing this air, knowing its still there, Why? tell me why cant i walk away from this? Why is it soo hard? maybe i dont need to, i dont want to walk back, i dont want it again, but I do, im confused not knowing what to do next. Maybe the new start is with this new air, its happy, content, lustrous about this new way, happy for me to walk that path, its welcoming and faint hearted to new life, a new love. Hopefully, just maybe, its a happy direction, a nice start, becuase its a nice view from where i stand, i do miss my old breath, my old mind that was shared with one other, it feels like ive broken off this tree, following a new scent, but still confused.

I know this is better, but one can still miss the old breath once or twice taken with one other. Hide and seek now.

I still feel that sahara desert, i still think the stars are upside down, and i still want it, but i know i cant, i know i cant walk back, oh fuck, i dont know...

Hopefully just maybe, soon something beautiful will happen...

I'm sorry but i intended to keep writing but i just cant maybe another day...

Experience of a life time in 8 hours

Last night, Me, Leo, Cris and Gavin, went for a Camping trip, we had 2 tents, a car, food, crisps, drinks, cigarettes and weed. But we had one special ingredient to this beautiful night, Shrooms!! Yup we had Magic Mushrooms, but only 1 each, but that's all we needed as none of us has tried this stuff before.

Next morning, Gavin is a zombie 

We got there around 7:30 i think it was and starting to set up the tents, We found the most perfect place in the world, La Caldera!. It wasn't to far into the middle of no where so we were good.
Later on, after we set up everything we built a safe mini BBQ for our meats, after a few good minutes we started munching on our burgers, quiet delicious actually. It was about 10:30, and we all decided to eat our shrooms, At the same time, we were rolling up some nice joints thanks to Gavin and Leo, it sort of eased the time go by because shrooms do take they're time to make effect, after about 20 - 30 minutes we all started laughing and giggling, I think Gavin was the first to actually feel shit going on, he felt the trees move, and I thought the sky was painted on like on a ceiling, then after 2 hours the highest point of the effect kicked in, and it was fucking magical, we all were connecting with nature, The tree in front of me became my friend, even thou she looked like she was giving me the finger it also looked like the heavy metal sign, I called her Enya, just like the singer. There were so many trips going on and different things, everything was perfect.

Watering Enya the next morning :)

After many hours of repetitive stuff, we were getting tired so we tried to sleep, we got in our tents and tried to sleep but no one could, after a while I herd a car come, there was a car parked just a minute walk from us, they couldn't see us but we saw them, Couple of teens, drinking heavily even the driver was, throwing all they're cans outside, its disgusting, eventually they left and we all decided to get out and see what they left, and it was rubbish everywhere, they left loads of cans all over the floor, fucking pigs, they need to respect the woods, we picked up most of they're crap and put in a bag and decided to return, eventually it was 5 in the morning and no one wanted to sleep now.

It was about 8 in the morning, no one has slept, and we all looked like shit, we decided to pick up our shit and clean out our area, and we did leave it clean as a whistle thou, not like them pigs earlier on, anyways, we got everything stuffed in the car and went to the area where the public have BBQ's, we decided to cook our left over meat last night, and again this tasted like gold, it was delicious, thanks to Leo and Cris, they made a lot of effort.

Just before we left

Around 11:45 ish we decided to leave and go home, as we were all tired, I got home at 13:15 and fell straight to sleep it was around 30 minutes a go I woke up.

Anyways, it was the best night of my life the experience was amazing, if you ever try shrooms, just read about it, make sure what your doing, and try not get poisonous mushrooms.

Last nights soundtrack:
Moby - Wait for me *Whole album*
Enya - The very best of Enya.

I recommend this music for trips its amazing.

Thanks to Leo and Cris for putting so much money into it,
and Gavin for the delicious herbs and shrooms.

Danny Vain Photography LINKS

My Brand new portfolio!

with new gallery and biography!

Danny Vain Photography

iDoser with Life

Well I tried something new last night, A digital drug, a sound wave called Binaural Beats, that create a weird sound using stereo headphones, the program is orginally called SBaGen, that plays the sounds using MS-DOS, but now a new program called iDoser for PC, iPhone and iPod. will have these sounds BUT for a price. right now I've got over 80+ sounds, I've only tried Alcohol and Divinorum. and... THEY WORK. Ok... maybe not as strong as real drugs but they do certainly work, also there's no brain damage or any other damage just a "high" nothing to fear.

It quiet interesting, something maybe you thought would be in a dystopian movie, where you insert cables into your ears and get high. well, now is time.
I suggest to try it, search about it on they're forums. I going try more sounds and see what I get.

Sometimes... A Spotless Mind is Eternal...

Sometimes i think to myself I did the right thing, I chose the right decision, but then... i think again, sometimes i turn my head and see what the other side of the choice would of been, i try to kill my emotion, music helps, but not always and the same with a joint now and again. Love? is easy to say but actually feel it is harder then understanding this universe, when you come to point where Love feels like a salt lake, no where to go, dry, bored, annoyed, and driving you crazy, you try to lick the last drops of this lake but its all too late, I, myself I've come to a drought in Love, where i no longer can keep going, it saddens me and others, and I wish this didn't have to happen at all, i wish it was the sea, just never ending, it also could you drive you mad, but at least you would be full of Love, full of Joy. Love is a two way story, that also includes the fellow evil twin Anger, Wrath, Depression, Fury and many more...
Our time was long, beautiful, challenging and rewarding, but this journey seems to stop here, maybe, just maybe one day it will continue again, maybe in a different life.

I'm not scared of showing my emotion, telling you what I'm actually feeling about this situation, I'm not fearing the future, because I don't fear the unknown, I'm angry at what's to come, promises that right now don't seem to be happening, also adding that life right now here on this island is absolutely fucked up, its demolishing peoples life's, the government aren't helping shit. but that's not the point of this message. Sometimes I loose myself in my crazy little conspiracy theory mind, questioning everything, because life hasn't given me an answer yet, not just life, but everything isn't just what it seems, everything has more then one answer, more then the so called truth, I question Love, why is it so easy to fall in Love, but so fucking hard to get you out of my mind? You may wonder WHY!? why would i want to take her out of my mind? well... I don't want to feel like this, and I don't mean in Love but this weird way, its very unexplainable but its a negative feeling. There was just loads shit going on, small nuisances, that annoyed both of us, Our Love became Asymmetric, upside down, a fucking oxymoron. It was difficult to understand and harder to feel it everyday. Now I feel Free, not the feeling of "oh great IM SINGLE!!11!!" It's about the feeling of not being trapped, I felt like I was in chains... but I'm feeling better now, even thou "home" isn't doing very well at ALL!! but myself is feeling better "i do have a cold now thou :)". I will not delete or forget my past 2 years, I don't want to, They were the best I've ever had... But now its time to move on me and my spotless mind!

Brand new blog

Well after using the internet like anyone for many years now, ive actually made a Blog, whats it gonna be about? anything really, from my photography, journal, problems, questions and many more.

Ill be writing more and more soon!