When sitting alone in a room with nothing to do, one thing normally happens and that is your mind will start to wonder, it will keep wondering with thoughts, problems, memories, and "what if's"... and sometimes Its hard to try and not be in this situation and its harder to think about it. Now my thoughts while being in my moments of just being alone, and I dont meen alone in the way I have no one to love me etc... no. I meen in the way of there is physically no one there and nothing to do.
My thoughts are like film, before its developed into the final picture, but before getting developed it needs to be adjusted and fixed, and that is my dreams and nightmares. But sometimes my dreams tell me something different then to what I see infront of me and what is going on around me.
Now I feel like I am being played like a yo-yo constantly up and down, in the extremes, but not in a balanced way, more like I am confused as fuck way.
Constant lies are being thrown at me, like throwing stones at a window, trying to get someones attention but they are nearly breaking this window. But what some people dont know that its the wrong fucking window. Imagine it, that I am not the window but I am the house, trying to throw in the wrong direction, THEIR direction, what THEY want, now I am not saying this about specific people, this actually goes out to many people out there that prefer to ignore the real problem and try stire me into something that isnt true. One good thing I know is that most of this bullshit isnt affecting me, and I am learning quickly how to handle this situation, the further I walk in to battle the more bullets will try and hit me, but what they do not know is that armor is been through many battles, and now knows how to handle these kind of battles.
I know I am not really specific tonight, but its not about that, think it in a way However you want to think it, your own opinion over what I say, remember most of the time, if you want to REALLY see what someone is saying. Dont just listen to what they say, but ALSO listen to HOW they say it. because that when things can slip, and you find what you want to hear most of the time, because most people are blind and deaf when they show how they speak without realising it. Remember before anything, learn about yourself, how you speak, and your body language, if you know your own body language you can transfer the message with much ease to any person in the world, also you get know how other peoples body language works. Sometimes I dislike it that I can see soo much about people and situations, because you get dissapointed quiet a bit, but dont worry, It makes you much stronger and it will be hard to fool one´s self.
Now I will continue to walk while bleeding, but these wounds will heal, turn into scars for me to remember in the future about these moments for me to be stronger and not fall again to such lies and deception.
Not everything is going so bad for me, on the other side of things, I am quiet happy, being in a new relasonship that is incredibly strong for me, and I know that this girl I love despite the complicated language barrier, I think its working and It surprized me alot, because I never expected this relasonship to be so strong.
Well I leave you with this band I found their called Enslaved by Owls. Such an awesome unusual dark band, with simple sounds combined to great an impacting atmosphere.
best tracks I recommened:
Lunar File
They left
Escape Nightmareland "my favourite".
http://enslavedbyowls.bandcamp.com/album/vi
Also check out Dougals Burgdorff This guy is incredible and totally insane I think, but such a creative guy, with real deep meening sometimes these videos can employ on to you.
acid from Douglas Burgdorff on Vimeo.
