To think I might not see those eyes

Well, WELL! Ok.
I know ive been up and down lately, not knowing what to do, scared of what is to come, but again, im confused, For the past 3 months ive been happy but also a prick, a fucking dickhead to someone very special, I know I say it alot but right now, I feel alone, lost and without her touch.

Its hard not to think about her every night and day, dream about her in many ways and dimensions, reasons and results. Ive been trying to figure out whats going on but why should i ask? i meen Do I need to know why i still love her? no, i just need to go with the flow, follow the stream, and hope for a nice comfortable future, with or without her. Of course I want to be with her, Ive never ever felt like this before and I doubt for a long time i will feel like this again with someone else, She is special, and i miss her.

Crimson Night

Under the night of the crimson moon, I remember those eyes, something was different, something was beautiful, a future no power could hold, no one could take.
Such a long time ago, I remember this night, this night with the love she gave, I remember you chose me.
Unlike any other night or day, it was amazing. Something I cant describe.

There was a time when I foolishly lost this, something I regret till this day, something I will always regret, I lost her beauty for my stupid mistakes, despite my mask of insanity, I adored her skin, I adored her love, and I did something that unfortunately will never be forgotten.
I will never forget her beauty, her words, the times, and the places.

Again... I lost this... But this time I threw it away, and I shouldn't of, I regret I did this, Why did I throw it away? Its never been so hard to get it back, I accept her new ways, I accept her for who she is, but does she accept my mind, my insanity, my love?

Will I see this beautiful road again?

On these days, these much harder and difficult days, will it be brought back to this eternal beauty of her love?
I do not know, I am confused, but one thing I know is that I want her back, no matter what.

Maybe one day, a crimson night will be brought again. I do not want these shallow nights, without her arms around me.

Do not let it go please.

No, Thank you : )

Something beautiful, unusual, weird, fun, happened tonight, I'm not gonna say because you don't need what it was, but what I would like to say is that, it was good and relieving, hopefully with time and patience, I know I'm a person who can let out what I feel on the moment, sometimes quiet exaggerated but you get it, also I acknowledged  the changes, something I cant do nothing about and... I don't want to, I've come to terms with myself and all I gotta do is sit and wait, patience is a virtue, don't throw it away.

I would like to thank you for coping with the bullshit, the crap and the rudeness of how I have been. Sometimes a prick like me needs sometime to realise things.

I will continue life like I have been in the same way, untill the day comes.

Also, there is one small problem, you need to release what you got inside, your still a little closed, release your emotions do not trap them. I am here for you as you are there for me.