What is fair?

Well, What is exactly being fair? what is doing the right thing?
To be honest, what has happened, has been mainly your fault but ive contributed to that fault, and I will explain.
You chose to be who you are right now, but you wouldn't be there if it wasn't for me, i gave you the tools and you made the chair, Now, I will not forgive myself for throwing you away like I have, and hurt you again... for that our friendship, existence between each other has disappeared your are just an acquaintance that I can read.
You and others wonder why sometimes i may get frustrated and angry, when these matters are taken into account but obviously you dont understand, and never will, ever will. This utter urge of love to share with you, and that you throw it away like just some "friend", I am sorry maybe in MANY years to come, we will contact eachother but for now, this friendship was never there because I understood the wrong message, it doesn't help though... it doesn't help making the message look like what I thought it was, you know? the things we did, you dont just do with another guy friend. You are in stress, pain and confussion, and of course you take it on the person you love most... I wanted to be there for you when the sky falls down, to be there when you pass your school year, be there when its new year, but you dont want any of it, because your a coward, scared of me, How can you be scared? you know me well enough, and also I have changed, and you have proved very well that people can change drastically, I may not have changed so much, but my ways of dealing with everyday lifes fucking problems is now my choice, my decision and I will fucking solve my life, with or without you, Yes! I know I very well know that it was MY fault that i broke up with you, but the difference you threw me away many months before, your good at this, this brave face of yours, if it wasnt for me, everyone would think your just perfectly fine... thats why your scared of me, I am your truth.

I Am Your Truth

Theories?

The changes:
Why is it when you met those new girls these "cool" fashionable popular girls you started looking like them? then after a while you started acting like them? and then even liking the music "Rihanna"? I meen i would of accepted you for who you are, but now that you dont want anything with me, i might aswell voice my opinion. I was right, you changed, You were right, I was stupid for dumping you, for not accepting those new changes. But look at yourself, your in a herd of sheep. All eyes are on you, and you know it, big time, you know your beautiful, and now that you have the control I'm out of the picture, and guess what?!? for once in my life I am not the only motherfucker seeing this, but guess what you wouldnt be there if you never met me, it may sound vain but its true. And this is the thanks I get. You say you know every crack in me, every detail, well you didn't see this coming? or did you?
The past 4 months without me, you have noticed more things about your social life with your amigos, respect, new friends, new life, new changes... and you love it, and thats why your scared if I come back in your life and ruin it all, but of course if I was just a friend, you pull the strings, well fuck that, ive broken these strings, and you can live your life how you want now, just remember who I am, who you are not, I quote from you, at one day many months ago, you looked at this pija girl, and you sayd to me "WTF? I will never be that!" Well, you are the commercial teenager, congratulations.

In my dreams...

At least you will be there in my dreams, all I gotta do is sleep as much as I can, to see your eyes shine as the nights stars. Why? Why only in my dreams?

My love lies over the ocean
Long ago it fumbled in my hands
I'm a fool to stoke and tend a dying fire
That will never make it back to land


Drown me sweetly
sea of tears so far from shore
I have plucked this last heart string for a song
Drag me down to deepest depths and leave me there
I shall long for you no more


there is an ocean that divides, and with my longing I can charge it with a voltage that's so violent, to cross it could mean death...


By Scott Matthew – There Is An Ocean That Divides.

How many times?

How many times do is to take to let you know I love you? You out of anyone should know Ive waited long enough, you alreayd made me wait a year im not bloody waiting again. Im 19, im going to have fun, i WANTED it with you, You seriously fucking dont know what im going through to try and see you, to try and put that fucking fake brave face on, I will always love you, but I aint trying no more, you want me? well you start trying.

My Emotion has no word but a description.

I want to shout it, I want to show you it, I want you to know... but keeping it all back is a fair bit of hell, in a step to low, all i want to do is yell. The fire ive got in my heart, ready to be an art.

In time and large seconds, the feeling of it just there, its something to declare, a regret thy will forever never forget, a trust in need of comfort, like a grain of sand in the dessert, something we will remember till the times we see the abyss, a depth so large there is to our knowledge and memory, a plague of happiness, the positive massacre, as we all sacrifice something, to get a better result. a result so beautiful completely mis-understood, a being so fragile, her emotions are made of glass, her intimacy blown all over the grass, she has the brightest tunnel, it shines all the way to be wilfull, that is why, my emotions, are at the point of hysteria, a sight of limerence, a taste of compersion.

New thing

Hmmm... I had an idea tonight, lately a lot of talk has been going on with me and my close friends, about basicly life, we try and understand the hardest parts of life by just unifying them with easy ways, it works better when your stoned...
Soo im gonna make show-podcast on youtube talking about energies, religions, and other things that interest the mind of all, the belief system... I will try and make it has interesting has possible for viewers. it will aslo be connected to my blog "this one" and also be called Vain's Conspiracy of Life, its mainly voicing my opinion and letting other people know there is more ways of seeing life.

:)

How do you stop the destruction one's self?

For fuck's sake...