Do I know now?

Now I know, well I think I do, to the truth of who I really am, is to know basically life itself, to know each persons on entity of life, then your trying to find life itself.
We are life, we are the distinctive forms of it anyways. physically we trust upon energy and everything in between.
Todays society and human nature, depends upon a belief system, either religious, energetic, self-belief, scientific, whatever your views are upon lifes invisible ways, most of these ways and views are the most questioned views in the world.
We question what we do not see, to be honest, I, myself, believe in the power energy, everything is energy. BUT   I know that even though I believe in such things does not make it real to even myself or another person who reads this, but I do feel it, and that is the closest thing Ill ever get to knowing what is behind the curtain.
In truth, its all the same thing, just with different names, GOD, ENERGY, SPIRITS... what came first? who knows, I just know that feeling this energy, makes me insane sometimes, but with a power of fulfillment, sometimes I do not know myself why I react to some of the emotions people throw at me. I used to think I depended on Love, that I needed Love, But I know now, its not only love... its rage, sorrow, fury, pain, happiness... strong emotions that I thrive on, but not on myself but on others, I sound sadistic and quiet unusual, maybe I am insane, who knows? I just know I thrive on energy, powerful emotional energy.
Example; I remember when I see someone cry I would smurk or smile, and most of the time, I tried not to, its like deep within to the reaction of sorrow. Its... weird.
For a few months I have been weak and basically dead in my mind. Now I need to ermm feed? my mind.drain the energy. To be honest this is quiet personal and normally I shut down, keep quiet and go with the flow. But this is more of a warning, I plan not to be fucked with my mind, and with myself. I will stand aside and let others walk past me, I will not let others take hold of my emotions, unless I can see truth or love inside them. Before you can hold my heart, you need to withstand my mind.